Although I can communicate with others well in a written or electronic format, there have been struggles with communication in the verbal forms, especially when it comes to speaking about the things that are bothering me. Although I know that I will feel better in the end, there is this looming struggle that I will be punished in some way for expressing what is on my mind.

There are a few people who know when something is wrong, and they will delve into what is wrong. It can be hard to express what I am feeling because even though it was encouraged to do so growing up, it is something that I feel like some childish punishment will occur from not doing what I need to get across to someone, even if I am at fault for doing something, there are situations where I know that it is best to be honest. Yet, I feel guilty expressing that I did something out of fear of being retaliated negatively.

Indeed, there are things that I know that I need to do, and I sort of struggle with them from time to time. But expressing that I am struggling as if I did something wrong can be the hardest thing to do even if I know that I can trust someone with other types of knowledge,  yet it can be hard to be honest about the things that are a struggle for me.

It is not like I am going to be abused. Instead, if I am not honest about my struggles, others cannot help me with what I am experiencing or help me find solutions to my struggles. I know deep down that life will be better and that help will be at least on a path to being found when others know that there is a struggle to what I am experiencing. No one can solve my problems unless I am honest about them.

Life is good, and I am doing what I need to do to be well, but there are the little things that are bothersome and are a struggle for me and learning to deal with them on my own can be a challenge. There are people who I know I can discuss these situations with, but there is a challenge buffer in being able to be honest about what I am experiencing because I don’t feel that I am heard or that I will not be able to be believed for what I experiencing because of my past. But I know that if I do not at least share my struggles with someone, eventually they will explode in a more explosive way that is not appropriate.

Every day is a gift to me and I have been gifted with such great communication, but sometimes it can be hard to express what is really going on directly because anxiety and autism gets in the way of letting me say what is on my mind, even though I know that I can. Life is a struggle for many, and due to autism and anxiety it is hard to manage life, but being honest about my struggles can go a long way in making things better.