As an autistic person, ensuring what needs to be done versus what I want to do to have a balanced life all while having to adhere to my regularly scheduled routine can be quite daunting. It can sometimes make me want to give in to missing the days that I work or go to day services. But as I had previously established that there is a necessity to keep up the routine. However, there needs to be a perfect balance between what I want and need to do and having enough time to do those things to make the transition successful.

When I fall off my routine, it can be hard to get back on and want to stick with what I need to do. But part of what makes it hard is the fact that there is a part of my morning routine that can make it hard to get out the door in the morning. It is not that waking up is particularly the case, but it doing the things that I want to do before heading out the door.

The same things can happen in the evening as well where it can be difficult to transition into bed especially if there are things that I want to do but do not feel as if there is not enough time to enjoy them and still must do the things that are needed to be done before heading out for the day. I feel as if I am robbed of the opportunity to do the things that I enjoy or feel need to be done to make the start of the day successful.

It can be hard to improvise and do away with some of the things that are not necessary to do before heading out. But more I ruminate about not having enough time, while what is wanted or needed to be done takes less time than what is quoted to be done. It can be hard when I do not feel like I have enough time to do what I want and need to do all while having to go to the places that I need to go to.

But there is also the reality that some things can be let go of as hard as that can be, it can be done. There is a sense that I am robbed of the things that I find interesting or can get me through the day. However there becomes more that I have come to terms with eliminating or lessening so that I am not overwhelmed with needing to make the necessary decisions to do what is best for me.

It can be hard sometimes to be an adult and do what I need to do to make a living or be well. There are times when I just want to give up on doing them or miss a day, but it is hard to understand that what I am sacrificing has more gains than what I would be doing, and the latter would not necessarily be things that I need to do. That is what adulting is, doing the things that I need to do even though I may not agree with having to do them, they are a part of the life I must lead.

I need to feel blessed that I have the opportunity to do the things that I can do as I also realize that not everyone with the challenges I have are able to do the things that I do and even though it may seem hard, it is important to utilize the necessary  coping strategies, defense mechanisms and boundaries that are necessary for me to make the situation from becoming more challenging than what it is . It may seem hard for some to understand, but having to balance everything is quite difficult but I am beginning to realize that I just must do some things even if I may not realize that it is just as beneficial as taking time to myself. While there are times when that may be warranted, that is not every single time I become frustrated with the way that things are.

In the end,  it is learning to be patient with myself, give myself grace and work at the things that I know that are helpful in allowing me to manage the situations that I must endure. As human beings, we all have things that we do not want to do, but we must go through them. Even as someone who has the challenges that I do, I too must learn to withstand the challenges in my own way.