As we are nearing the end of what is considered LGBTQ Pride month and my mental health is finally in the right place, it is on my heart as part of reconciling the past six years, where my stance is on my personal sexual identity. It is something I have never been truly honest about because for much of the past six years, I have never been honest about myself.

The truth was that six years ago I was led to believe that I was gay and because my mind was not in the right place, I believed such. Even though deep down there were many things that I disliked about same-gender attraction, I believed it because it was making me feel good, even though I knew I was and still am repulsed by most forms of sexual contact.

Furthermore, most of these feelings occurred at night whenever I should have been sleeping, of which the medication that I am on not only helped me sleep but also tip controlled thoughts of that nature. Additionally, one of the side effects of the medication is sexual dysfunction, and while some may find that as being discouraging, in my world I was mentally unwell, and it was starting to show.

Throughout this whole experience one thing about my mental health has been evident and that is the necessity of taking my medicine. This has been affirmed through reading past texts, emails, and educational videos. It is like turning the clock back a year and realizing that I need to adhere to my medication regimen. This has been a constant issue and now I realize that my medication is a crucial part of my life.

With, it has placed me with reality as regards my own sexuality. Since how I have been feeling the past six years has no way of an honest reflection on myself, as I have been in the process of closing the chapter of the behaviors of the past six years and have left many people with many impressions, I have concluded that I do fall under the LGBTQ umbrella, however I fall more under the asexual umbrella as there’s a firm understanding that any form of sexuality is not in the cards for me.

It is still a learning experience for me but where I personally stand with my own sexuality is one part of the past that I can finally close the chapter of what is considered a big book that needs to be closed and locked and getting towards making better decisions for myself. It has indeed been quite a learning experience and has shown me what the real world can be like along with how I honestly want to experience and what I absolutely do not want to experience.

The fact is that I show no hate towards any human being regardless of how they choose to live their life. In my life everyone has the right to feel, love and be who they want to be. I just choose to not boast about my sexual identity because it is something that is not relevant to being shared out in the open to any stranger in the street. It starts with me coming clean and understanding where I need to be as far as it relates to my mental wellness and realizing that although I had feelings in the past, they are no longer valid because they are part of when I am not mentally well and that has been something that I have long known and understood and now I accept where I need to be in the realm of my sexual identity.