Recently, in life finding happiness has come quite easily for one reason or another because I guess I have just chosen to radically accept what is in my life, even if it may be challenging due to things out of my control. I just make due and manage in the outside world because I feel safe in my inside world.

Until recently, I would carry the frustration that I faced in the outside world to my own personal safe space and ruminate on things that are beyond control, even though I know that they cannot be changed because I can and don’t have the control to make things the way that I want them. I had to learn to leave all my frustrations on the outside of my home and allow myself to live the life that I want and not let the things that frustrate me on the outside world get to me. It is not good and is a good time waster by ruminating on things that you can’t control or change to your liking. 

Life would be great if I didn’t have those things in my life to frustrate me, however there are things that I must do, like earn some wages so that I can enjoy the life that I want and not be miserable. It is simply the reality of the situation and it is rather a necessity that makes me just have to manage the outside world and use the time that I have to myself to relax and do things that I enjoy.

It can be very easy to give up on the things that are frustrating. There have been several times especially in the course of the last few years that I want to give up. But, regardless of what may seem frustrating in my life, the fact of the matter is that it is not that bad and it can be managed in my own way. I have been in therapy for two decades and there is not any reason to apply the coping skills and defense mechanisms to the challenges that come across my path and manage to get through the day without breaking into a fit of rage or going into meltdown. 

I have matured so much in my life and even more so in the last decade that it I know that I need to hold my end of the humility and lead by example because there are peers that look up to me and see how well I handle my challenges and can function so well in society. Putting myself at risk of losing the opportunities that I am provided only makes me look as if I do not indeed have it together and be the person that I know that I need and can be. 

In reality, I am finally at the point in my life where I am choosing the happier side of life instead of always looking at the gloom and doom that it can offer and by not choosing to go down that path, my demeanor is so much better and I am not miserable. In fact I find it a joy to talk to others and that too can be therapeutic in its own way. Nonetheless, I am making better strides at finding the happiness that I need to have for once in my life.

I am beginning to love my life more and more, even if it presents challenges for me with things I cannot control. I know that those things are mostly outside of the small world that I do have control in and that is where I can indeed find my personal freedom and take all of my stresses away as I need to before returning to the outside world.It is living day by day and sometimes hour by hour to get me by in a world that oftentimes seems quite out of balance for one reason or another.