This calendar year, I am beginning to understand my brain better. Some things that irritate me or make me feel down are just how my brain is wired to think. It takes me learning how to cope with those challenging situations. I strive to make them the best I can make them.

For decades we have been working on managing my behaviors instead of understanding the why and how they are happening. Lately, I have been realizing that it is just the autism. It is related to whatever mental health diagnosis is connected to the way things are happening. That is why things are the way that they are. I am also beginning to see that it is important to approach the way that I am feeling. I need to do this in a better way than in the past. In the past, my approach was negative and caused havoc among those around me.

It takes time to correct my past behaviors. I work to replace them with better coping skills. I acted and believed in ways that were not always informed. Even if I don’t know everything, it’s important to do what is morally right. I must learn not to be as selfish as I once was. I shouldn’t allow my past behaviors to affect me like they used to.

It can be hard to learn to adapt to what is happening in me. I have been experiencing this in myself for a very long time. It has now become a reality to work on learning how to cope with my feelings. I no longer let myself act as I once did. My past actions brought not only myself down but others too. I had to see how that made me feel. I had to understand how it appeared to others who viewed me as someone who seemed to have it all. This was necessary to understand my wish for change. I recognized that I can make those changes if I choose to.

It takes knowing who I am. I want to be the catalyst to make changes and be better. It is also important to know that it is not my fault for feeling the way I do. That is just how my brain makeup makes me feel when things affect me. I’m simply working to find a better way to manage my emotions. I am learning how to cope with them when I feel as bad as I do. I don’t want to bring myself and others down in the process. I now have the tools and power to do so.

I know that I don’t want to live the way I once did. I don’t want to make myself feel down. I also don’t want those that love and care for me to be affected by my behavior. I care about their well-being and happiness. I realize that I do not have as much latitude as I did in the past. This is because of new people in overseeing roles. Things have changed, so I have to do what is needed instead of doing what I want. I am learning to cope with the unwanted and to do better at handling challenging moments.