Life ebbs and flows. For me, my emotions sometimes run the gamut of being high and low. There are times I feel at peace with myself and there are times I think the world is crashing down on me and I think things are the worst they ever could be. All in all, it is muddling through it and knowing that I can never give up is what keeps me going.
It is doing what needs to be done that can aid in the efforts of managing my emotions properly. I have been messing around and greatly lacking in this regard for some time and now that I have been heading in the right direction for nearly a month, things are starting to get better for a change.
Yes, there are challenging moments and we all have them, but I can bounce back from them better than I have previously. I do not play the pity card as often as I once did or allow myself to be consumed with negativity as nearly as much as I once did. It is knowing that I have finally realized, accepted and understood that there are things that I must do to keep myself well and as tempting going off course may be, in the long run, it just isn’t the answer to the problem and getting back to the point of where I departed the wellness train will take more time to get back on the train to recovery.
I have definitely given not only myself but many others a run for their money with the way I have acted over the course of the last few years and I do not ever want to get that way again. No one deserves to see me that way nor do I like when I am that way when all is said and done. I can be a pretty nice person if I allow myself to learn and grow from my mistakes and do what is right to cope with the challenges that come down the pike. It is also understanding that I must adhere to the things that I know I need to do in order to stay well, even if I am tempted not to.. It is just the simple fact of growing up and being an adult and not being a jerk just because its the mood at that given moment.
I have managed over the years of flirting with disaster to avoid getting in serious trouble and that is something I must recognize is not just because of luck but that there were people watching over me and there were even warriors who did not know that much about me that dove into the rescue to save me from danger. It is knowing that I was getting closer and closer to danger as time progressed and as I had in the course of a few days a reality check and a major meltdown that I had to see that I was the one that had to do what was right all along and stop flirting with disaster.
Oftentimes in the mainstream media, the bad parts of being autistic are shown, but there are many good parts of it and I have so many good things going for me in my life that I finally understand that I must do what is right because I am depended upon by so many and that when people are under the assumption that I am doing what I am supposed to do and I am not, it raises questions about my independence, therefore I just need to do what is right in order to manage my emotions and not cause intenser negative reactions as there has been. I am pretty strong if I allow myself to see that and can be such an example to others, but by not doing what is right only opens the door to my validity. Therefore, it is essential to do what needs to be done to stay well, not because someone is telling me to, but because I feel so good when I do.
These are things that have been proven to work for decades and repairing the damage made in the past over four years will take some time to repair but it opens the door to bigger and better things in the long run and that is what I need to see and as such will make my mood and mindset so much better in the long run.