Being in a co-regulated relationship with my mother, I see things from both sides of the relationship.
The voice. The Soother. The comforter. The Beacon of Safety and Reasoning.
The Hovercraft, The Helicopter Parent. The ‘Attachment”. The Klingon.
The one who you value every move you make as an autistic person.
Rather than your worlds colliding, they orbit each other in very close proximity.
I’ve had the best moments and the moments I have seen the worst in my mother.
I could never count the times I’ve taken responsibility for my actions.
But a mother’s love is one of those things that is reverent and fierce. Never giving up.
There are times that separation from each other can seem like the hardest thing you have to do.
It does not have to be polarized, rather it can be quite the learning experience.
Autistic individuals can learn to grow and thrive as members of society and have their own time to themselves to recharge, grow and expand their mind.
The parental figure can dock the helicopter on the pad and let loose, relax a bit.
Worry is never going to go away from either part of a co-regulated relationship.
We feel each other deeper than we can feel most other people sometimes.
We show ourselves in all realms of what we are experiencing in our own unique ways.
We support each other at our best and we are frustrated, disappointed, and upset at our worst.
But we keep on because we know we need each other in this life and are each other’s rock.
Having time for each of yourselves in the relationship is important, even if there are hurt feelings.
Even if someone else must intervene, everyone needs a break and space to themselves.
Just know that separation will eventually happen and is a must do and it will get better.
In each of your own ways, you will learn and grow by learning to be your best you.