Reflections: Doing What Is Right

Over the past few weeks, I am finally getting my life back on track after a long course of not doing what I needed to do to care for my mental health. Being in denial and playing games with my medicine in the course of nearly four and a half years, having a reality check and a really bad meltdown has made me recognize that doing what is right just makes sense.

Looking back on some of the times my behavior was at its challenging moments over the course of those past four and a half years, it has been a wonder that I have been able to maintain my independence, employment and program. However, it has recently taught me that I need to be vigilant of not only taking my medicine but also being aware of the fact of how my nourishment plays into my behavior and that certain ingredients in my system can react negatively to my mood and adverse the effect of my medication.

Seeing this over the past few weeks and at least trying my best to limit what is indeed not good for me has seemed to help with the mood and as such, my interactions with others has greatly improved. I have understood that there is a necessity to doing the things that I need to do to be well, even if not doing them provides a short time effect to the good, eventually I crash and things become worse, even if I do not see that at first.

It is also recognizing that I need to care for myself more than over engaging in too much activity that in reality is not necessary for me. It is modifying my schedule to take care of me from autistic burnout when things become too much from a robust day of activity. It is knowing that I need to take a day after so long so I do not become burned out or react negatively towards others and knowing that doing so not only benefits me, but those I would be in company with.

Having the freedom of being independent comes with its benefits but it also comes with its risks and that is something that has to be weighed out when making decisions that affect my mental health. It is understanding how my behavior if I do not do the right thing not only affects me, but those around me and how it could raise concern to others if I may need more help than what is actually needed. It is not having hatred and choosing to ignore what is needed to be done to be well so that I can be happy in the beginning to eventually being who I passively think is OK yet others know and do not like my reactions toward them because of being consistently negative towards them.

It is also a sense of adulting and doing what is needed because others benefit from me making the right decisions and I become the Dustin that is a pleasure to be around and not the one that is irritable, argumentative, hostile, aggressive, moody, or resentful. It is like having a ticking time bomb and not knowing what trigger will cause me to react in that manner or what damage will be done. 

While I was only on my medication a few days prior to my last meltdown, it was also the fact that I was not nourishing myself properly and was having too much of what dilutes the  effectiveness of my medication to the point when I was triggered I was not able to manage my emotions properly. That was what got the gears moving towards working not only the need to adhere strictly to my medication regimen, but to also be mindful of what I am consuming throughout the day.

In know I am in the infancy on this path of finally making things right, but it is something that I know that I need to do if I want to ever better myself and get out of the dynamic that I am in order to become more independent and have more opportunity in my life, therefore doing what is right is a must do in order for me to be happier and well in my life.