A Journal Entry

No One Is Happy All the Time.

I want to run away and go straight to the most tragic idea to avoid the unpleasantness or unknown.

In my world, there are good days and not so good days.

I get angry at myself and become unhappy, thinking that we are never get what we want.

Then the trouble starts.

I ruminate about things we think of saying or doing to make a point about the issue.

It takes time to come to my senses and learn how to cope. It is a part of the autistic life.

I can’t always have what I want, its just another bump on the road we travel.

I mask the smile around others so I do not fall into my negative state and wreak havoc.

But when I am in my circle of safety, I ruminate irrational thoughts and vent them out to those in my close circle.

Although it has gotten better with getting better with my medication regimen, they still happen. They’re just not as intense as they were, and I can get back by cognitively restructuring that thought to making our time better.

That is when I see the more unhappy side of myself.

But my mother tells me that no one is happy all the time.

Not being able to read others emotions completely, it can be hard to sense what they are really thinking all the time and unless I really know their situation, I automatically think they are always happy.

Yes, I was unhappy with myself, but I know I can’t be that way forever, because if I don’t get out of the thought pit, I will dig myself deeper and it will be harder to get out.

I know I need to do things, so I focus on them and look and hopefully the thoughts will diminish as time goes on.

Life can’t always be happy, but I must learn to cope with the circumstances that I am handed.

For I know I am doing well and must continue to do so.

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