Adulting, Independence

Adulting: Fighting Immaturity

Being an autistic adult in my late-thirties, it can be hard to realize just that. Oftentimes, I want to bring my challenges and concerns to the spotlight and make it all about me in a very immature kind of way as if I deserve to have the negative attention and others, especially those in my close circle deserve the anguish I lash out at them.

Living with my parents until my mid-thirties, I was coddled in some ways and in others given tough love. This created a unique dynamic on how I was raised, both providing benefits and challenges to them, but in hindsight it is me that has to realize that I am an adult in the real world and there are things I have to face whether I like them or not. These are things that despite being autistic or other challenges that I know I can face but am just reluctant to grow up and face them.

It can be from that trauma in a way that brings on the state of flight in my brain where I think that I am better off not being in that situation and that somehow running away or avoiding it will automatically solve the dilemma in my brain, but it is the fact that sometimes we just have to be adults and do adult things even if we don’t want to. It can be hard sometimes to face challenges like going to work, program, the fitness club or other engagements that require our attention. Many adults manifest these feelings, but unlike me, they do not lash out towards others seeking attention trying to seek some sort of sympathy or validation to find a way out of doing what is required in life.

In life many adults do not want to do the things that life requires of them such as going to work, paying bills, etc. Some cannot and that is something that must be understood and is not to discount them for their efforts that they must do to conquer in fighting life’s challenges. However in the sense of myself, it means that I have to learn that things just have to be done and that a delicate balance is required to make sure that I am taking care of myself mentally so I do not become unwell. This also means adhering to the regimens in my mental health recovery that I have worked so hard to tailor to meet me in the best way possible.

However, it is when I follow the proper mental health regimen that I am able to better manage the challenges in a world that is not always built up to my caliber. It can be hard to recognize this at times but when I follow a steady period of doing what is necessary, things increasingly become better to manage and after not doing so over the past decade starting in slow increments and ultimately crashing four years ago and finally realizing that doing so is what is required in order to keep my own independence, it is something that I am taking more seriously.

Whatever life brings, I must realize that there is a time and place for everything. Therefore sometimes we just have to do things in life that we do not want to do and acting immature only sets us back further in the big picture becoming the adult that we know that we can be. Life stinks sometimes and we don’t want to do things that help keep us well and give us purpose, however, sometimes it is what makes us mentally and physically well in the long run. Fighting the immature thoughts is in all of us, but for an autistic person they are harder to fight then those of our neurotypical peers. Therefore, giving us the accommodations that we need will help us excel in a world that is not always not made for us.

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