Being autistic, you constantly second guess yourself and whether you are doing the right thing. I am always wondering whether or not it was a “good move” to do something or not. But, when it is something that will have a little bit of an effect on you, then there is no harm in doing it.
However, it is the constant second guessing that plays over and over in your headspace, thinking of nearly a million scenarios of why you should not do something that once you ease yourself over the initial steps, you will excel and flourish. My brain constantly thinks about backing out of things that I think may present added stress or challenges when in fact once I follow through with them, I feel so much better after doing them. It’s just taking that initial step or setting foot out of the door and being on the way to it.
Let’s take getting set up with the gym for example since we are focusing on wellness. I mentioned that I transferred my home gym last week to one closer to my home. This has been in the plan for nearly the over two years that I have lived here. Much of the fear behind it was whether or not I would fit into a new place and whether or not I would understand how things work or that I would feel safe. It is also important to remember that at the time there were alot of unknowns with the COVID-19 virus nor was a vaccine developed at the time. So, I just kept putting it off and off, having the money escape my checking account every month because it is through the medical insurance.
However, as time became real this year, I am needing to feel my personal void of activity during down time and I am realizing that it needs to be beyond my personal four walls. I would continually walk by the gym in my neighborhood as I would have to walk by it to connect to other parts of the community from my neighborhood. Being a club that requires a key card to enter, it is a place that requires an appointment to come in to tour and join.
As I already toured the facility some time ago, I pretty much knew what I was getting into and it didn’t seem that hard. Like anything I and many autistics do, it’s taking that first step and getting acclimated to something that may have something that is unknown. However, in most instances, once I do something and get used to it, it becomes like second nature. The anxiety is what plays a principal role in what often holds me back from doing the new, unknown or challenging things that causes adrenaline and cortisol to build up in my system and as such holds me back.
So last week as I was walking around the neighborhood, I saw an employee there during my travels and as such, I had it in my mind that it was my time. After researching the website of my fitness broker through my medical insurance, I discovered that beginning next month, the monthly rate would be raised $3 each month. As one who is beginning to focus more on where his money goes, I had to be an adult and make a decision, was I going to be the adult and make the changes needed to make this happen or I would have to opt out, which the latter would do nothing to work on my weight loss issues.
I made the call and that was as simple as setting up the appointment, of which that is simple for me. The hard part is taking initiative and showing up and following through with what I set to do. I got up as I planned, went there and followed through with the necessary sign up, which was quite easy. After that, I asked for a quick show around and asked questions about the ease of using the equipment, what usage looks like during times I plan on going,etc. They answered and I was made to see that it was easy. Doing something like signing up for a fitness club for a neurotypical is one thing enough, but for someone who is autistic like me takes a lot and doing this was an easy, yet big step.
Again, it is like anything I do that is unknown or causes challenges for me, once I do it, I get into a rhythm and once I do it, I am fine. Hopefully, this is the beginning of bigger and better things in my life as 2023 is the year for me and I will do what is right for me.