Recently, being more agitated and defensive than normal, it was conveyed to me that I may have been doing something to aid that process. I then looked back and realized that indeed I had been and it has been the culprit many times to me eventually ending up in meltdown or other controversial behaviors.
I had been told this for some time, but I was unable to hear the truth because my mind was addicted to the feeling of the substance of which is a certain soda. When I consume excessive amounts of this type of soda, my brain reacts differently and as such, I react very negatively to others. When I do not get what I feel is needed to be met, then I react in a childish and immature manner. While I only do this to a very few, it should be happening as minimally as it can.
Hearing this again made me analyze in fact, was this particular soda the culprit that caused me to be unable to control my emotions, especially when given multiple triggering circumstances. In fact, when looking back, many times than not it was the case in me not only being able to regulate myself properly, but also going into an excessive meltdown. Having an excessive amount, more than anyone should only have, sets me up for disaster and knocks me down in my path.
When I had my last full blown out meltdown in 2021, I had an excessive amount of this particular soda and when hit with many triggering situations eventually resulted in having a meltdown in front of others that had not seen me in this manner. It shocked them that I was this person who could be a role model one minute could be this angry monster the next. It opened my eyes and made me want to work on myself and to a majority of that degree, I have.
But, continuing to fuel myself with a substance that is known to make me less able to regulate myself is only setting me up to return to that place that I once was. I have done this a few times over the past few years since that meltdown and when it was brought to my attention, I ignored it because I was so addicted to the soda than being cognizant of my personal need to take care of myself. Doing this is not allowing myself to move forward from my past experiences and while I do need to give myself grace for where I am today, it is not helping me move on past the struggle and only opens the door to it happening again if I do not take off the barriers that I face.
Yes, I still have a soda addiction, however I become more prone when I consume excessive amounts that are not made for any human within a certain time period without having an opportunity to leave my system. It does not allow my medication to properly regulate my body in a way to best defend itself by the world that is not made for me.
My proneness to meltdown will never diminish if I do not recognize the fact that being over caffeinated will set me up to being more susceptible to not being able to properly regulate myself and ultimately ending up in a meltdown if given the right triggering factors. I must do what is right to be able to properly manage my behavior. It can be tempting when there are excessive amounts of the drink at accessible points of my travels, but since I do recognize that I have to move on with my life and work on not allowing myself to get in that state that I once was, it is something that has to be addressed in my mental wellness.
It is not all gloom and doom, however. It provides an opportunity to seek alternatives, of which there are many to choose from and ultimately go less caffeine or caffeine free at some point. The first step in addiction is accepting the fact that I have a problem, and that I do, now we have to follow the steps needed to work on bettering myself and getting out of this trap I have long been in.
Dustin's Dynasty 