Reflections

Reflections: Moving On

Sometimes in life as a person in general, we need to realize that we need to move on beyond the points that we think we can defend ground in a reason of why something should be. It has taken radical acceptance in many cases to understand that there are things that must be in life or that cannot be controlled by me to grasp reality in the present moment.

For me over the past few years as in anyone and particularly autistic people, change in the way we do things has been very present and challenging to endure. There are things that change or that I have had to radically accept in my life the last few years that just have to be in my life that simply aren’t going to change. I often thought that there were ways out of them because I didn’t like them and I can regress to a person who Isolates himself in his small home all day as a way of being comfortable and safe. 

However, while it sounds like the ideal dream of many, this could present further challenges that can harm me mentally and physically. My brain often thinks that it is the solution to all problems, like an easy fix to something that I don’t like or want to do. In those moments when I am angry because something is different or didn’t happen the way that I want it to used to make me voice my anger to those I would think could change it. Eventually, I realized that it only makes it worse and unpleasant for all those it involves. It also made me see that is not the person that I truly am or want others to see who I am.

I have seen that I have so much potential in life and staying in this childish state of mind only keeps me in the same place that I have been for some time. Reluctance to move on from old behaviors and not apply new or other known skills will never bring optimism to my life. It will also never improve the situation that I am in. While where I am can have a sense of comfort, I know that in the long term the situation is not the most ideal. There will come a time in life that will make that more necessary than ever that I need to continue to be an adult more in my life and do what is necessary to live the life I want and not feel continually sorry for myself.

It is not like I do not have the skills to do what I need to do. Fear is one of the contributing factors to cause me to not want to move on in life because I have a sense of safety and comfort where I am. But what if something would change beyond my control from where I know I could find my sense of safety or comfort? What would happen? That is something in life that occasionally occupies my headspace when I am in my right mind.

My brain knows that it can do things, however fear produces and amplifies in my brain causing me to want to run away from anything that could potentially be tragic, including seeing beyond where I am comfortable and presumed to be safe.However, should that sense of safety and security be wiped away from me, it could be very scary really quick and I could drastically regress if by brain would allow it to be. 

When thinking of moving on, it can seem sometimes equally as scary because you don’t know what the future holds, yes there will be anxiety producing behavior, but sometimes its taking that chance and putting yourself out there so you maybe see that there is an even better life than what is in the present moment and it could make you an even more happier person that what you are.

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