Part of being well is having the understanding that there are things in life that must be endured. Even though I am an adult, it can be hard at times to play the adult in me and this can present a challenge in being well.
Part of being an adult is doing things that I don’t care for in life. There are times that I just want to keep to myself and not do what is expected. I can make a million excuses or vent to my close circle why I don’t think something is fair like a spoiled little brat that wants their way. In reality anxiety can rear up and cause catastrophic thoughts and if I do not manage myself well, this can spiral out of control and deplete my ability to be well.
It isn’t that what I have to be an adult and do in life is challenging. I am accepted in all locales I must be in and am allowed the necessary accommodations when necessary. In a standard state of mind, I can manage the norms of the day, but when I come home is when the challenges arise. My brain automatically jumps to a state of wanting to run away from everything because I don’t think I can take it anymore.I am beginning to slowly realize that everyone doesn’t want to do things in life, but essentially for autistic people this can be magnified greatly.
I have many pre-event jitters, sometimes every week, particularly on Sundays. If not properly managed, its all I can think about and I want to find a way out of it until I take my medication and get sleep. When I get up, these thoughts can arise and sometimes they are challenging. I am often told that all adults have these thoughts, but being autistic they come in a magnified, catastrophic form that perceives an enduring sense of doom.
In the mornings I attempt to take care of myself. Some of those things include having a nice shower and cleaning myself up, which I am doing much better with nowadays. I try to meditate for 10 minutes via YouTube videos on days that seem more stressful than others.
It can be harder when challenging situations come my way where I want to put my two-sense in but I can sense it is not the place for it. I now realize that it can not only make the situation that I must endure worse, but it makes the situation for all it involves more challenging. Having these thoughts play in my head by having scenarios can present more challenges for having a sense of flight among other already traumatic factors that can further hinder what must be endured.
This takes having the necessary boundaries in order to take care of my mental health and not allowing myself to be entertained by things that are not necessary for me to be entertained in. If someone wishes me to be involved, all they have to do is ask. I am slowly realizing that there are things that are not healthy for me to be a part of and inflict further challenges among my mental health. If not properly addressed, then it is passed on to those in my close circle and causes further anguish.
Many humans have to adult, in life and do things that they do not want to do, but for autistic individuals this can be more challenging through a wide array of factors, but you don’t have to let it get to you if you want to. You know yourself best. Keep those boundaries and know your self.