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Thankfully Progressing

I’ve taken some time to come to terms with writing this article in a genuine nature to feel truly thankful in my life for the blessings that I have in my life and to be grateful for them.

You see, I come from a bloodline where I as an autistic man was pointed out all of my faults and because of worry and anxiety, I always think what COULD happen, when in fact it RARELY happens. I constantly worry that things are always wrong, bad and something WILL go wrong, in fact the chances for something bad happening are likely very small.

I am finally in a place in my life where I can breathe. Things are resembling some sense of normalcy, and that is even before everything crashed over two years ago and after I did get back on my feet, amid a pandemic where things were not the same.

I have accepted more of my life, even with a sometimes flawed sense of thinking that I am not deserving of a good life. Always thinking I am going to be hurt or that something is going to go wrong, because that is how my brain is built, although I am working to rebuild that. 

I am working on making my life even better. Having more autonomy, making decisions that are mine and are sensible and wise. Maintaining optimal wellness by following my medication regimen and being responsible for taking more ownership of my personal needs and showing pride in the work I put into things like my home and person.

I am coming to terms with family, being there for them when I can and making memories while I still have the time to do so. This Thanksgiving will be the first time in some time when our whole family unit is together and I am well enough along with having the proper mechanisms to remain well throughout the visits with my family members so they do not end on a bad note. 

I have begun to realize being angry or ‘throwing a tantrum’ is not a way of getting something solved because you want to run away from it or not have someone that is antagonizing you gone from your life because I think it would be easier, when in fact I am beginning to see the rationale of why things are the way they are or should have been. I am understanding the need to look beyond others’ approaches to situations and understand the reality and rationale of the situation and how I really feel about it, not being easily led into something, a common trait among autistics.  It is also knowing when you are nearing the breaking point in things, when you are about at your limit and recognizing the need to take a breather, desensitize, and rebuild your spoons that you used for the day so you can be there when you are needed the most and can truly live your best life.

These are the things that I am continually thankful for that I am progressing more into the person I was made to be, growing up and moving on with my life. It is not the end, that is for sure, but I have to make it my best life because of so much of it being depleted over nearly two decades of my adult life. I am beyond thankful that I am out of the doldrums and working at getting better in my life and not in that dark and dreary place that I was for so long. Progressing to this state of mind is truly one of the best things among many that I can be thankful for.

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