Recently, I have been facing the struggle of not doing all the things I need to do to be healthy. I know what I need to do. I know it works, yet I get lazy or get careless because of being unmotivated or wanting to feel good.
In the last year or so, I have struggled with losing weight from being the highest weight I have ever been. I have lost twenty pounds since my highest in March 2021 and I continue to go back and forth about losing weight. When I am in good spirits, I do quite well. I have the tools in my toolbox that I need to do in order to make things work the way that I need to, but when I get lazy, unmotivated or unfocused is when I get into trouble.
I get to a point where delivery drivers become my friend. Nowadays, we have things such as Doordash that make things that you once had to walk to get more easily accessible without leaving your home. It can be scary and before you know it the weight creeps up to the point where you are angered because you know you were the one behind not putting the efforts you know you need to do in order to be healthy.
I remember the time during the lockdowns, how much of a struggle it was for me to just walk through the store or the times after I moved into my present home and how I could only go from bench to bench to have to sit. Trips to the neighborhood shopping centers in the beginning were rough because I would be so out of shape and miserable. Delivery became my friend time and time again even though I know that too much of it is not a good idea.
Last week, I was awarded Mr. Inspiration, a monthly award at my weekly weight loss support group. It was for the month prior, of which I was the person who lost the most a majority of the weeks (I am the youngest member and one of only a few males in the group, so it was mostly easy.) Regardless, it was a lot of effort with incorporating food that I had to learn to put into my food plan with the help of the day program I attend. I worked my tail off and by the time I weighed in last week, over a month later, I had gained almost all of it back,
At that point, I was no Mr. Inspiration. I knew the weight would creep up on me, yet I did not stop because I did not do what I needed to do because I would let the effects of my autism come into play and become lazy, unmotivated or hyper focused on what I wanted to do without caring about my personal needs including taking care of what I needed to properly nourish myself or go for a walk, instead rarely leaving my home and doing sedentary activities throughout the weekend before when opportunities provided me to go out into the community, I retreated in my home and did what I wanted, indeed hyperfocusing on it and not properly meeting the necessary nourishment that I know I need to meet.
However, I know I have to get back on track and am starting to do the right thing by going to the grocery store and getting the foods that I need in order to be well. The sad thing is that I have SNAP and help for the food pantry to help me in this endeavor so I can properly nourish myself on my own while spending earnings and other benefits on things that are needed and not delivery as fees have risen over the past year. I know that I need to do what is right because I will be a healthier person because of it.