Being A Better Person

Last week, I had the opportunity to reflect on the last 2-3 years and how much of a roller coaster it has been, yet there have been several blessings that have saved me into being in the better spot that I am today.

I have mentioned several times how about four years after becoming independent that I started to not take care of my mental health needs and I started to fall into a state of mental decomposition. Others that supported me began to notice and when the first home I lived in had issues and I had to live with my parents, then the COVID-19 pandemic hit the world and I had to be under their roof day in and day out until I hit rock bottom. That was the beginning of making the turnaround for the better and while I am nearing the end of the long tunnel, I am in a much better place today than I was this time several years ago.

Yes, I have discovered a lot about myself in those four years and had other complexities in that timeframe, as many that have similar challenges have experienced. I just may not have realized how close I was to losing all of everything I had. What saved me was being offered my current home, which was the saving grace to prevent me from collapsing had me declining to a severe state that no one would want. No employment. No freedom. I realized how bad it could have been if two things did not happen, my therapist returning my parents’ phone call on an Easter Evening in 2020 and my apartment being offered to me, even today nearing being in my independence, it can be scary what could have happened if these things did not happen for me.

In that regard, I have learned that I must continue to take care of myself and while we are not perfect and can make mistakes at things, we must do our best to bounce back from adversity and start back where I left off. In essence, I know what I need to do in order to be well, sometimes I just get too comfortable or lazy in the present moment to want to be better or do the right thing, but in reality I know that it is the right thing to do and that I will feel better about myself when I do what is needed to be done.

In the past few years, I have learned that I am a very intelligent man who has been through so much in his life, yet I keep going through the obstacles in my life trying to be better person that is indeed the right one that knows right from wrong and that others respect me for where I have came from and my roots of my life. That is what keeps me going in life because I know that when I can control myself in the ways that I learned, I am passing off my knowledge of what needs to be done onto others.  

Several people look up to me as a role model and it took a long time for me to understand that. Many times it was always about what I wanted without thinking what needed to happen in life and although I knew my needs would be met even though it wasn’t the way I wanted, it doesn’t give me the excuse to be a spoiled little brat because I want something to happen the way I want it to. If there is a way for it to happen where I am properly able to cope with the situation at hand, then I have to try my best to endure it. 

I am learning that I know what I need to do to get through situations beyond my control and while they are not what I want, I have to have the understanding that there is being no harm being made and that I can take care of myself, especially if the alternative can cause a less-desired situation for me. I am learning that I must weigh out all my options to see what is the best for me before going through with something instead of making a snap decision because it sounds better, it may not be the best thing to do. 

I am continuing to grow as time goes on. There is no prescribed plan to do things, but they will happen as they seem fit. For all that I have been through in over three decades, I sometimes need to sit back and realize all the things that I have done in my life and where I someday want my life to go while managing my life in the present moment at the best that I can.

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