Reflections: Regognizing A Return

A few weeks ago, I made the opportunity to do some of the things before things changed drastically in my life in 2020. It felt good in a way, but I do know that I need to continue to work on things and get back to where they should be from years ago,

It is nice to have good feelings again and want to actually get back into the community after years of being away from it. Although in the past few months I had been doing it in smaller spurts, the experience that I got to do some of the things pre-breakdown and pre-pandemic made me happy once again and accept that it is OK to go out into the world with a sounder mind and do the things I once enjoyed, although some are gone and many have been modified from their previous state.

Everyone has been greatly affected by change in the past two years and I have had a double whammy in 2020 with having to move twice in the course of five months. I am in a better environment and while it is in a slightly different neighborhood, it has many of the same things the previous living situation did while having some new added benefits that make life easier for me. It was hard in the beginning to see that things are actually better for me, but now that I see that it makes it easier to get out and do the things that I once enjoyed.

Being aware that you need to enjoy the life that you deserve is something you should be proud of . There have been circumstances that have made me realize that I need to care for myself properly and that the need to properly medicate. While it may not be a solution for everyone, it has been proven for me for decades, and my choice to be off and on over the past for years I have recognized not only that it was likely nonsense and unadvisable under any circumstances, it altered me it a completely different person that I know makes me someone doesn’t want to be around because of the way I act.  So many things are better when I take my medicine and I must do what is necessary in order to follow a proper regimen so I limit the chances of being in that frame of mind again.

I am realizing that I want to live my best life possible. I have been through so much over the past few years and I deserve to be happy, in whatever way I seem. I kind of experienced that when I was not medicating properly, but the costs of the unwanted behaviors were proving a burden on me and others that were undeservable. With things changing in the environment surrounding my home in the near future, I have recognized the need of returning to a normal medication regimen once and for all. Everyone is happier when I do it and no one likes the way I was when I wasn’t  This is something that after four years of playing all the games I played that I am starting to see, the current situational changes make them more concrete of the necessity to do so for my own good,

I have accepted that everyone lives their lives differently and I am no different in this regard. Yes, I enjoyed the happy times I had and the smiles, but the detrimental moments that I experienced affected others greatly and I do not want to put anyone in a compromising element because of my ill-factored choices that I know are not healthy at all. They do nothing for anyone, including me. I am accepting that choosing to take care of my medication needs is not a childish behavior, but it makes me able to live the life I deserve and will hopefully one day open the door for better things to come.

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