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Adulting, Independence

Adulting: Event Anxiety

As I enter summer, the prevalence of more activity is more abund. As the rest of the world seems as things were three summers ago, for my autistic mind, it just isn’t that way.

Personally, for me, I am finally getting back to a life that seems to finally have some regimented routine and normalcy from years of not knowing what was going on day to day. Still, trying to plan my weeks by the month can be challenging while realizing that I just cannot do all the things that I did before things changed almost three years ago. Many of my family members have difficulty understanding things since resuming a new sense of normalcy and that there is a great deal of regression since all the loss of a routine since the COVID shutdown occurred over two years ago.

As such, it can be hard to commit to attending something that requires more of the energy of the autistic person. Although the event that one may attend may not seem any different to a neurotypical person than it was years ago, for an autistic person to do the things that we have missed over the past few years and then being introduced to it again where it can become overwhelming. To best describe it can be like having to the things that you did pre-COVID all over again by learning the inner workings of how they work and by then, for me anyway, I am exhausted to the point where it can be so overwhelming that when all the events are done, I am just exhausted to the point that I NEED time to recharge and that has to happen.

As things in the world around us have acquire more senses that we have been absent from and being overly polluted with the senses that trigger or ability to manage our behavior, because it can turn in to communication, we often do not want to participate in things that are prone to be oversensualized for the sensory challenges that we face. For me, it can be challenging to express my need to have time to myself versus the need to break away from mundane activity in order to prevent isolation or other challenging behaviors that may arise. I KNOW I NEED to not do those isolating behaviors, yet it can be challenging with the outside world.

As such, if possible, it is important to do things that help you relax and be able to relieve the challenges you face from the events that cause overloading stress. Yes, it can be easy to avoid it, but at least for me, It isn’t healthy because it will turn into ruminating and castroposizing thoughts that can wreak havoc upon others that is unpleasant for all. So, it is essential to have a delicate balance of everything, yet doing so can be hard because your brain is continually operating at warp speed thinking of every move that needs to be made and if you stop, how horrible you are for not doing things that you know need done.

All of these things produce anxiety that is very challenging and overwhelming that prevents me from doing anything as if I lose control of holding myself by working up and wanting to do what is the thing that is the most comfortable and safe outlet. It may not be the preferred and others do not understand why sometimes, but you don’t owe them an explanation as to why you don’t want to do something to those you don’t feel owe it. However, if it is one in your close circle of friends that knows what you are experiencing, then please do because they likely care for your well-being and want nothing but the best for you. If they know you, and are a good ally to you, then they will be an asset to you. Knowing what is best and outweighing the reality of the risks rather than go full-throttle panic is a best practice when considering as to whether to go through something that poses a challenge to your or is prone to anxiety, I know by realizing reality makes me see that it isn’t that bad along with having a balance of time so I can dedicate my mental health equally is beneficial in the end.

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