Many times, those who do not know my whole life story approach me and say “you are such a positive person.” I acknowledge that but in reality, fighting the ability to remain positive can indeed be very challenging for me.
Over the past few years and at certain intervals in my life, I have been surrounded with negative and sometimes toxic energy. As part of my challenges being autistic and having a handful of mental health diagnoses, being presented with challenging behaviors of others or their actions can result in the energy they are omitting onto myself. As such, it can be difficult to remain in good spirits when this occurs and as such I then transfer this energy into negative and challenging behaviors that can result in my feelings producing negative energy onto others in the form of negative self-talk, self-worth and lack of self-love.
Being an empath can open yourself up to being vulnerable to others who constantly desire your support and attention. This is where you as a person need to set boundaries so that you close yourself off from the activity that produces negative reactions within yourself. I had experienced difficulty in understanding the importance of setting boundaries, but choosing to continue down a path that produces negativity from others onto yourself and to others that are definitely not deserving of such behavior can make those that you seek for support want to distance themselves from you. For me, this behavior can be seen each and every time I invest myself in the energy of those that seek me for things that I do not prefer. Something as simple as a deep sigh when something as simple as a notification tone from my phone that causes this reaction can make others aware that I and possibly others are becoming frustrated and the reaction will indeed be negative.
Although about six months ago, I had chosen to build boundaries that I thought could stop producing the negative energy that others deeply noticed was continuing to occur. Despite thinking that I had done enough to combat the issues that caused me to feel mostly negative, it was not being resolved. I continually became frustrated and as such others continually became the casualty of my negative energy, while better, I couldn’t see the issue that I thought I had finally conquered.
It took until recently, when I could see clearly that indeed it was being pointed out that little has changed in this. I had known that I had produced this energy within my free time as a result of not being able to be continually entertained, but alas it was the fact that those that engaged with me throughout the motions of life have been noticing my negative behavior producing and although others did notice an improvement since building those boundaries some months ago, it was realized that I needed to realize my purpose in life as not to be involved in others’ energy, whether or not I had already not been focusing on their energy, but that I as a person in the dynamic needed to understand my purpose of what I needed and wanted of the situation.
Simply put, the target of the energy does not require the presence of my involvement or my energy, then I need to not become a spoke in the wheel. Sometimes it just isn’t worth the placement of your presence or energy that will only cause the negativity of yourself or others and further potentially enrage yourself and also cause a negative reaction that may not be well received without the ability of preventing a chain effect of reactions from occurring.
Life, in general, is way too short to sweat the small stuff. Being involved in something because it entices you or the tendencies of an empath kick in doesn’t necessarily mean that it is worth your time. For me, it took trusting my gut and realizing what was necessary in this continuing journey of self-growth and self-discovery to realize that I need to focus more on what I need, as opposed to the entertainment, energy of others and being the one who wants to be the fixer. It must be realized that not everything in life that sounds good actually is therefore you must do what is best for you first and foremost;.
Dustin's Dynasty 