Buying In and Being Invested

Managing Autism and Complex Mental Health Challenges isn’t easy. Autistics such as myself face challenges in their lives every day. It doesn’t mean that it has to be all gloom, doom and feeling sorry for myself either. It takes a healthy balance of MANY things in my life to get to the point where my life is manageable for me to live. Being independent enhances that need even further because you have to accept and know your limits and say no to things you can be tempted to do, but you know will have an ill effect in the long run.

Accepting that I need to work on my mental health challenges and managing neurodiversity has been a big step in recent years. Years ago, I was getting there, then I went off of the course I should have stayed on. Then things happened that were beyond my control that necessitated me take a few steps back, then COVID happened. When it seemed that one thing happened after another, it seemed that all those years of independence that I built up were going to go down the drain because of some life choices that were not the best.

However, I got back on my feet and while I totally wasn’t where I needed to be, I put the piecework of other elements that I needed to put together and when I came to terms that I needed to be real with the issues I faced and worked on them and understood the need of why I needed certain things in my life, things became clearer. I seem to finally be back in a place where I left off three or so years ago when I went off course. I needed to learn and accept the fact of why it is important to not go off course and why it is important that the entire process has to work together and why it is made to do so. It is something I have accepted and realize that while life isn’t perfect, I must try my best to stay the course because it is a key factor in being independent.

I have also learned that being invested and buying into my care is an important factor of why I feel so well. I had to realize why I can be such a negative person and that sometimes you have to let things go because they are better for your mental health. When you have only so many spoons to get through the day, you must realize where you need to invest them so you can get through the day. When those spoons are spent on things that could have been better invested in a positive return , you feel better about your life. I think being in a clearer state after three years made me realize that I must invest my spoons wisely and put them to good use where they don;t hurt me so I am not so bogged down feeling so angry or negative towards others.

Spoon Theory Explained

When those spoons take away from the ability for you to be invested in yourself for your well-being, then you must reevaluate and do some figurative house cleaning and purge what is taking up space in your life that prevents you from being who you want to be. Unless you have people dependent on you, you must do what is sensible for the care of your well-being. When you invest those spoons into something that doesn’t make you feel good or have a payoff for you or someone close to you, then you must ask yourself, why are you doing it? Life’s too short to be miserable. I lost three years of my life not being in the right mind and not being in not some of the right places for my energy. Family, Service Professionals, and Co-Workers knew I wasn’t in the right place. They sought for people to intervene on many different capacities and levels, yet I was so gullible to see that I needed to take care of myself more and do what is right for me, and not be so invested in making others happy.

I had to live and learn the hard way and still am to some extent. You just can’t fly by the seat of the pants and expect everything to flow without issues in life. I can honestly say that my work does and continues to pay off because I know I had to get my feet wet and be on point with addressing the issues that were abound. I also had to see things from the view of others, many who know I deserve to be happy and that I need to be thankful for how far I have come in life. I also have to accept life for what it is right now and not be angry for losing all those years that I had to live and learn from the choices I made. They were part of the learning process and it gave me a glimpse of where I do not want to go. Those years made me aware of what I could do if I don’t continue to buy into the need to take care of myself and be invested in my care. 

I am a firm believer of knowing that the powers at be put you where you need to be for a reason, there is a plan and one door doesn’t close without another one opening for you, I believe that i had to experience the things the last three years to see that I needed to begin to be honest with myself if I want to have the life I want to live and that it takes taking care of yourself and being honest with those that reach out to and vice versa so you can know that you can come out of whatever you are feeling and process the feelings and emotions and be the best you can be.

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