A Journal Entry, Healthy Lifestyle, Poetry, Wellness Wedbesday

Wellness Wednesday: Weight Loss Is Tough

Losing Weight is Tough.

Needing to do it is a priority that I keep pushing to the side, focusing on minimal effort and pleasure when passing something through my lips.

Being autistic and having a host of Mental Health Challenges along with necessary medications that cause me to want to eat constantly doesn’t help either.

Then we have had issues related to COVID-19 because that takes traditions away and the days are shorter this time of year, so you have only so many hours of daylight.

Yes, I know I am making excuses, but they are struggles I often face daily in my life.

I have gave it the college try the past week. Doing what years of going to support groups has taught me to do.

Portion control, keeping a menu, moving more. I’ve done many of those things to a certain extent.

Then the food triggers come or I am bored. Every trip to get out of the house involves me purchasing items I know aren’t beneficial for me to lose weight.

I want to have a feel-good sensation, and I know that certain drinks will make me feel good, but I know later in life I will pay.

When the majority of the things I put in the cart of of consumable beverages and not of things that have a nutritional value, I know that I need to do something to cut back in the consumption.

I am addicted to sugary beverages. I know this, I don’t take this as seriously as I want to.

Loved ones know. They try to be sensitive to my needs, they make statements that hurt.

I get mad and they remain silent by allowing me to do what I want, although they know danger is abound if I don’t tone it down.

When the thought when you get out of bed is to get a sugary beverage in your mind, that is sad.

When you see how little of food you can order to get your soda quota from the take out place to meet the delivery minimum and your budget, Its a sign you are lazy and have a problem.

I wish it wasn’t this way. I wish I could focus on drinking water. I know I need to do it.

Resources are there for me to get water at the day program and work free of cost, yet I just walk by them or even go further to supply my habit.

I feel good about my body, but I know it needs work. I don’t want to feel out of shape so sudden or be so out of breath after doing a handful of things.

Working out is a challenge for me. I know I need to do it. I fear judgement or hurting myself,

I want to lose weight to feel better. I want smaller jeans and not have such a limited selection of clothing. I want to not look like such a slob.

I know it has to be up to me, that is a motto in weight loss support group that is said often,

I know I have to invest in my body and it has to start with me.

I know when I even cut back on the sugary drinks, I know it will be crippling and challenging.

But I know I need to slowly transition into doing it. Because I fear.

How long will I live? How long will I be able to remain independent? I thrive off of my independence. I would be very sad without it.

You “think” you are doing good, then it blows up in your face as the chemistry of the body is unknown.

What the scale says at a random moment doesn’t paint the whole picture.

You make excuses, but you know you aren’t honest about what you’ve been doing. 

You know it needs to stop.

And be real before it becomes too late in your life.

People look at me, I know it, but I mask the feeling of hurt.

Just as much as having a vehicle, it makes people speak to you more.

I can no longer live in denial anymore.

I have to be serious about living a healthy lifestyle.

I need to pay the price with the symptoms that come with modifying my habits.

It isn’t going to be easy, but I don’t want to wait until I am forced to do it .

Because I know it will be harder then. I must wake up and smell the roses once and for all.

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