Lourdes Grotto

Accepting The Call

You may be surprised to see two blog posts being released in One Day. With not only Thanksgiving in just a few hours, the early release is being done as a teaching moment to be more self-aware and realize when you need to get support or reach out to someone when you need it.

The past week has been a lot of those “a-ha” moments. Last week I scheduled some time off for my mental health. While there were some things that were happening in cyber land, for certain reasons it wasn’t helping because of something that wasn’t doing well for my mental health that has been cycling for some time. While I am choosing not to get into specifics for all parties involved, to have the week I set aside to take care of MY needs was being dominated by other things so by the end of the week I was burnt out and put a pause to the issue. I tried to work on it for a bit, reaching out to warmlines, my therapist and journaling to try to process this issue to repair this broken issue, however it was continuing to be detrimental to mental health. So I knew I needed to reach out more, which was a big step for me. 

I reached out to various peer support last year when things were not going well either. I was getting settled in my new home this time last year and still in a rumspringa of playing around with my medicine, which now I hope I am finally getting through. In these groups I felt that my issues were minimal, although looking back I don’t think I was being honest about them or myself for that matter, so I didn’t think that I needed to  be present because I felt that others needed to be there more than I was taking up a seat in the virtual room.

I became anxious over the room, but really being strung out last weekend, I knew I needed to reach out for natural support. Before when I did, I would go as far as almost clicking the button on Zoom, but I would have anxiety. This time, I just knew I needed to do it. Once there I felt more at home than I did before. As one with comorbidities, I realize that I am not alone in struggling and need support too. Some of that is with the acceptance that I need to reach out to get support, when I need it by being self-aware.

Another piece of being self-aware is the acceptance from an internal thought to put a close on the issue that has been a burden to me and been so draining. While starting and completing the process in the course of a few hours while defining boundaries, it gave me a huge relief to realize that the burden I have had for so long was gone and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know I broke the cycle and therefore have to set boundaries so that instances of the nature in which it occurred doesn’t happen again.

I am now becoming aware that I need to apply all facets of my mental health recovery to my life. I need multiple levels of support from multiple sources so that I am well-grounded and build my life as I want to do instead of what I am being forced to do. I need to accept the fact that I am in the driver’s seat of my life and that I need to take care of myself first and foremost so that I can live as independent a life as possible without any erroneous issues that may stem by not doing so. This is a big step in my journey and by seeing the light at the end of the tunnel makes me feel so liberated to do so much more by not being so drained and being positive all around.

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