One Year, Counting My Blessings

On this date one year ago, I signed the lease for my current and second home. Just five months earlier due to a combination of many ill factors, I left my first home and was with my parents, although I was with them for four months before that. While I was at my worst behaviorally in twenty years, it would take a year in my surroundings, which is truly a blessing to be on the mend.

When I got my current home, it was indeed that, truly a blessing. I had my name on the list for some time before I got my first apartment but reaffirmed my name on the list after attempting to place my name on another project that I was ineligible for. It was discovered that I met the criteria for what is now my current home. At first, because of what it lacked from the first apartment, I was a little apprehensive. However, due to the contrusive family dynamic that I was experiencing, I knew I needed this opportunity, to at least get back on my feet until I could try to get something I really wanted. 

Mind you, all of this was eight months into the current COVID pandemic, which protocols of how things were done were very different. Getting a turnaround on necessary paperwork was difficult and getting some things for my home that I did not have was delayed a bit. Thankfully, for my support, I was able to tredge by until everything was in place. 

As there was a surge of COVID over the Thanksgiving and Holiday season, I was too affected in the routine of my life. Work was remote and the day program was limited. I managed to get by. Family members became sick and the unanimous decision was to celebrate in our homes for the holidays. Thankfully, I was able to get meals for the holidays through the community, and professionals that I am involved with. 

However as time progressed, I was not truly trying my best to be on the mend. I was managing to get by doing the bare minimum. I was still experimenting with my medication off and on which was messing with my chemical balance and sleep schedule along with my mood. While I was able to mask it, those who genuinely knew me realized that I needed to stop what I was doing. Yet, I disagreed and often did as I wanted. 

Many times I was ungrateful for my new home and now as we are hitting the one year mark of being here, I really feel remorseful for that. Being on the mend now helps me see many things in a more positive fashion and not have the little mood bumps that I was experiencing. I don’t have those big and small bursts of energy, rather I have a steady stream of energy and contrary to what I believed I don’t oversleep. I just have to make sure that I have an adequate amount of time to sleep so I am not overly groggy the next day.

Sometimes I would take out things on those close to me about the deficits or deficiencies of my home, but those close to me have reminded me that being independent comes with responsibility, which I now take more faithfully than the first home. Because of issues from the past experience, I am more cognizant and aware of things that I did and worked and retooled my life to accommodate the present situation so that I am not traumatized, stressed out, or overwhelmed. I am making myself more aware of what is needed to be done routinely, and while it doesn’t have to be to the standard that I was trained to do, I have recognized what is essential to maintaining a safe and sanitary home.

My home may not be much to some, but it is what is suitable to my needs. It works for what I need to live on my own. It makes me an independent autiustic person who can thrive on my own and am slowly maturing more day by day. I have plans to not move as long as I can be here. I am proud of my home and the community I live in. I count my blessing when I wake up each and every day when my feet hit the floor.

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