Wellness Wednesday: Just Like Starting Over

I just don’t understand why every week I am presented with challenges about being accountable to the scale at the weight loss meeting and the need of understanding the dynamics of how food results in what you weigh. Being too judgemental can be detrimental in ensuring that a weigh-in is successful no matter the outcome along with the need to be actually trying to lose weight.

When it comes to losing weight, I honestly realize that I need to be proactive and just do it, no matter how challenging it may be. I know I need to own up to what I have done. As the several pounds didn’t appear overnight, work has to be done to the best of my ability to remove it. I like to blame other things for the gains. My parents, the medicine, poor food choices, the list goes on and on. In the end, no one is forcing me to consume food that is not a healthy choice. I recently have come to terms that I don’t have to join the so-called “clean plate club” that many, including myself, had faced as a child and later into my adult life. 

I am an independent adult now, therefore the responsibility lies totally within my control to monitor what I put in my body. I know certain things that I purchase if not used by their stated serving size can have a negative effect on my weight. While I do not have an issue with some sweets, some trigger foods for me may include Ice cream, cheese and a variety of other snacks where I will take the entire product and sit alone and consume the entire product without stopping. Some of this can be out of boredom, however it too can be out of laziness. While I used to think of using food as a numbing agent for empathetic or emotional relief, I now do the opposite because I can’t think of anything else but the issue at hand and making amends with it.

Consuming a great deal of trigger foods last week, combined with eating a heavier lunch triggered my anxieties about going to my weight loss support group. Sometimes it’s a back and forth thing where I don’t know what I want. As my anxiety always drives me, it makes me think that I am performing badly on the scale for the week. I often turn to my mother for a guilt trip or for her to empathize with me that NOT going is a good idea. Believe me, this week, I gave her a run for her money before and on the way there. There were many opportunities that she could have rounded the block and left me at my front door. She doesn’t or give in to my battle because she knows I need to be accountable to the scale and get the support that is given. She knows it is a battle, but it is an important one. The same can be said for attending work and day program, even though at times it can seem as it isn’t helping, as I spent a great deal of time in my home alone, I couldn’t wait to get back to the regular schedule this week because of all the time away from it and realize that my mental health symptoms could worsen as a result of not going.

Once on the scale, I gained only a pound from last week. All things considered, that wasn’t bad given all the damage I had done to myself in isolation over the past weekend. After that heartful discussion with my mother this week I have to get to being serious. I have to do the work as I am on my own now. That means I have to be honest with what I am consuming and being accountable to what passes my lips. If I want a result, it has to be my doing. The weight will not disappear on its own by itself. I have a host of tools at my disposal to use to determine what I need to do in order to get back on track. As I have had goals in my weight loss journey for 2021, they are still attained, however, the need to be built on and improved as I am nowhere near done. I need to be serious again and not do silly things like gourd trigger foods just because I want to or don’t want to put in the effort of enjoying something more beneficial, nutritious, and enjoyable than what Is just a “quick fix.” Part of this is also being accountable across the board to what I am doing, because I have the tools, they do not need to be dormant by themselves, they need to be taken advantage of to their fullest capability. 

Life is what you make it. You can make it what you want by not caring and just getting by or you can make it the best by taking care of yourself. I know what is necessary for me to become a healthier person. No one will do it for me, lead my hand to force me to do something I need to do. They may gripe about the choices I make, however, if I continue to be mindful and do the right thing, maybe people will be more happier for me and I will be prouder of myself. 

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