When an autistic adult makes that big leap into independence. They are oftentimes away from the cusp of their very guarding parents, however some can still remain a close bond. The circumstances for this can remain very complex and as a result can make the ability for the autistic person to feel at ease about making decisions that they can feel comfortable or that they know is in their best interest, despite their close supporters objecting to their choices.
Being independent once at 33 had its challenges for sure and for a parent who sends their autisdtic child to the big world of independence can draw a good deal of anxiety for sure. Sometimes autistic adults can be naive when making decisions or become hyper focused on interests that they can stray away from what is essential to maintaining independence. Therefore I can understand their worry. As such I am just coming off of a almost three year backslide from relapsing off of my medication, therefore I can understand my parents concern that I am making decisions in my best interest.
Despite my challenges of being autistic and a host of other mental health challenges, I have a pretty intellectual stance and have a great background of knowing what is right versus wrong. I would never knowingly put myself in danger or use funds to purchase something that I know that I shouldn’t. We hear stories of these similarities of autistics of all ages being bullied, victimized and criminalized. I know my parents don’t want me to become a statistic or be encompassed within the legal system. They want me to be well and doing the things I enjoy, however I too know that they are struggling with the fact that I am separating lives from them, although I still see them on a regular basis.
I also understand that I want to remain in my safe space a lot because of being drained from the ebb and flow of the traditional weeklong activities. Many weekends are time for me. I need that. Whether it is to go to have breakfast, for a walk or just chill back and keep up with household chores, I feel it is my time. As an independent autistic adult, I don’t have to do every single thing that my parents do. For example, my mother has been spending a respective day each weekend with my niece and nephew. Last weekend was her day with my niece and while I did join them for lunch, there were things I didn’t join them for. Likewise, her time with my nephew was this weekend and he wanted to go shopping. My mother ran an errand for me the morning of and I met her curbside to get my time and she kept asking me if I wanted to go along. I told her that is her time with him and I would join him another time.
Likewise, my choices to do things to my benefit that my parents may see as not as what they would like is also my choice. There was an instance where this was presented last week and through my support would only produce a great deal of anxiety. Just because it may be what you think will work for me could probably not work for me. While my decisions that I make for me seem easy, they are certainly not. I value my parents’ opinion in most things I do with fear for retaliation ro disagreement. It is tough as an autistic person to be assured that I am making the right decision despise my parents’ discontentment of the choice. Sometimes you have to do what is right for you, because you know that it what you want, regardless of what they may think.
Breaking away from your parents while maintaining a rapport with them can be difficult at times. When disagreements arise, it can be difficult for them to understand their concern and it can make you want to lean on their side because it is comfortable. However, there will come a time when they are no longer here and you will regret not making the choices you made sooner. I have lived in regret for several decades in many things. I am a grown man and can persevere!