With the hot and humid weather, the past few months, it has been detrimental for me to want to partake in any walking. As such, I have been lacking in taking care of myself and can now realize that some of the pains from walking long distances have returned and I know that it can get bad if not properly rectified to having more of a shift on overall wellness.
I continue to make excuses, and create reasons why I don’t want to get better. Yesterday, after arriving home from a stressful day of changes, I find other changes by housing management then proceed to call my mother to call and tell me of those changes to only have to tell me that we NEED to go walking. I think of every excuse that I can think of NOT to go walking. I also know that won’t go as far as I once did. I realize that I need to get back in the saddle of doing it again, but I keep putting it off because I think I don’t like it However, when thinking rationally I know it was a decision that was made in my best interest.
As a morbidly obese man who once got thirty pounds off and has put half of it back on, I know I have to get back on track. I shouldn’t be making excuses. I should also not discount my food choices because they are convenient for me and not part of what should be more appropriate for me and will make me feel better and lose more weight. I am proud of my body, but I know I must also do it a service and take care of it for the betterment of living longer and not having any complicated disease like diabetes. Because I know I don’t want to be one to have to test my sugar or inject myself with insulin regularly. I see this in others and I find it very uncomfortable and know I don’t want that for me.
However, I continue to show disregard for my food choices by choosing foods that are not necessarily in my best interest for me. I have a continual thirst and as a result turn to sugary drinks, another really bad and addictive vice that I know I should have never started but continue to fight to let go. I know it is REALLY bad for me to continue this path and it will expedite my path towards that unwanted diabetes and heart problems. I know that addiction from sodas is real and I know that weaning off doesn’t work for me. I need to just stop, but it can be challenging with the headaches and devices for getting sodas everywhere like a billboard. I know as a man who takes several medicines that when combined with these gastly drinks it is a bad recipe for disaster. I have had a meltdown from having too much combined with a great deal of sensory overload and abrupt changes. I do not want to go down that road again.
All these necessary changes are in my court. I have to be the one to make these changes. As a independent 36-year-old autistic man, no one can make these changes for me. I have to be the one to have the inertia and drive to want to make these changes. Yes, the looming of complicated health problems is in the air, but they are not physical motivators because I cannot see them. Although, when leaving my home on foot and struggling with going long distances has become a warning sign that I need to do something because I want to strive to be as independent as possible and if I cant do simple tasks like go to the store on my own to grab a few things It should be a warning sign to put the things I need to do into action.
I know that my health is important and that I need to work on bettering myself. It isn’t easy often because there is constant antagonizing of not wanting to do something that is harder than an alternative that becomes as a shortcut or comfortable way to do something because it doesn’t require any effort. I know that those that care about me don’t want me to leave this world too early because I didn’t care about my health and I know that if I don’t grasp it under control my health will deteriorate and I will become more limited in what I can do. So I must take care of my body once and for all.
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