COVID-19 Series

Concentrating On COVID: Living In Fear

As we enter a second week of a COVID resurgence you can notice a big difference in the environment than jus that of a few weeks ago. Many people, including myself are adhering to governmental orders and are staying home and only leaving when necessary to so. The holidays are abounding and at this time of the year we are used to gathering and celebrating Joy and the some of us the Birth of Christ (if you believe such.) However, my anxiety is heighted to the point someone was telling me that I was living in total fear.

This is a two-edge sword that is a daily battle for me. Part of me wants to do what activities are left to do because I like to do them, however as virtual attendance in many of the places is encouraged, this leaves the decision up to me, thus making me anxious. I constantly question as to whether I am making the right decision for my well-being. Heck, I just came to terms almost two months ago that taking all my medication is necessary. How am I to know if I am making the right decision to protect myself? I pray about it daily, I read affirmations to get me by, yet I am still experiencing anxiety. I just don’t know.

So, when my acquaintance told me to “stop living in fear”, it made me think to myself, do I live in fear? I know I experience anxiety often, so I had to message my therapist of what was told to me, and I concluded with the question of whether indeed I was living in fear? She replied that I do experience severe anxiety and I acknowledged that I live in a constant “flight or fight” pattern and that for me to do things usually places me in this pattern. However, with the world in a global pandemic, I do have anxiety which indeed is a fear and in the current world, this is heightened.

I live in absolute fear of contracting COVID, especially with having to get tested and then having to wade out the quarantine period until the results come in. I do not do sick well on a good day. Being alone will not make that better by any means. I hear in the news of many people that take all the precautions, yet they contract the virus. It has been said that masking and social distancing only lessens the chance of you contracting the virus, it is not a bound guarantee. You could still contract the virus by an innocent bystander.

I also fear the need of being sick and requiring medical attention because of the beds in medical facilities being overloaded and me being triaged to a non-need for medical care, thus being sick at home. There are other illnesses than COVID out there. For the first time in 35 years I got a flu shot, something I haven’t done before or would have just brushed off. I know many autistics fear needles, however if you can, I strongly suggest that you get immunized. Many places including Grocery stores, supercenters and pharmacies offer Immunizations and they are often low cost or are covered by insurance. There’s also free clinics out there that offer them should cost or being underinsured or uninsured become an issue.

Yet, I see many in society not taking the simple precautions and this my friends are why we will not tone down the cases of COVID. We as citizens of this country must work together. The United States has the leading count of cases in the world, Only France has the second highest which is half of what we have. We need to wake up and smell the coffee, if we do not more and more people will become infected. Some say it is nothing, bit it is something or the numbers and science and facts wouldn’t be there.  These are not falsified or altered numbers, this is happening to people and it getting bad!

Now is the time to act!

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