So this weekend, I was in another dark depressive blah’s. I now know it was because I was in another of those dark depressive spirals of not medicating properly for several days on end. It became to the point this past Saturday, where I could focus myself on my cell phone on Facebook Live watching hours upon hours of angry “Karen” meltdowns, before I did so the next day.
These can be a great teaching tool of NOT how to act when one does not get their way or are confronted with law enforcement as many of the videos evidenced. Now, I wouldn’t relate all these “characters” as individuals on the spectrum, however some of the rage stage comes out when they act out in front of authoritarians, and it makes me think of myself and how if not following regimen can be if I am in that extensive part of that rage stage and then I am burnt out to the point as it is Tuesday and I am writing this that I am back to my normal self.
The end of this past weekend I had a meltdown, and it wasn’t pretty.
It began with my mother and I arguing back and forth with what I haven’t been doing to pull my weight while I have been staying with them. I know I haven’t and know that I should have been doing it as they have been helping me when I have been in a tough spot, of which I am truly grateful. Nonetheless it began in that obsessive, rambling stage where I ramnled on and on demanding that I was in the right, when indeed I was hiding the secret that I was not medicating for a few days, I know I needed to and was planning to but I think higher powers had intended for me to let out my steam and tell my parents off to the point where my mother drove away and didn’t return for some time.
During this time, I called my therapist, and was still rambling for almost an half an hour where at a point where my dad Interjected and made a point that this was the absolute last straw and that I needed to improve myself for the better. After at a point calming down, I took my medicine a few hours early sleeping into the next day, then sleeping a few burts the next day, and finally being back to normal today.
Now I know if I want to keep normal that I need to take my medicine. In fact I have a reminder in Alexa to do so, However, I just ignore it and become fascinated in what I was doing from time to time. However, I know I have had this in my head time and time again that I need to take the darn medicine.
So again I will, and hopefully, within time, a better result will come.