A few months ago, I was in one of my pity parties. I was reminded of a time when those who loved me walked on figurative eggshells. They were anxious about my reaction. They worried when something did not go the way I wanted it to. Back then, no one ever knew what I was capable of doing. My behavior was erratic and unpredictable. Over the decades, my situation has improved. I have learned that taking care of myself is crucial for maintaining my personal well-being.

Believe it or not, back in the day, there was an autism diagnosis. It was not the end-all catch-all diagnosis. It gave an explanation. There was no definition for someone who was not profound in nature. In many cases, they presented themselves well. Yet, a triggering moment would cause me to react in a way that was not appropriate. Back then it didn’t matter if it was those that I loved or those that cared for me. Even the random stranger in public was affected. Everyone was prone to my behavior. At times, it was very chaotic and reactive in ways that caused quite the ruckus.

Even though as time as went on those behaviors have waned. I know that it is not appropriate to do such behaviors. There are consequences for acting out in public towards total strangers. Compared to times ago, everyone can call the emergency services. They can also share what can happen with the world. I have learned that there are consequences to the behaviors I would produce. It is perfectly acceptable to do what I need to do to care for myself as I need to.

The world and the autism community have greatly advanced since I was diagnosed. This progress does not mean I get a free pass to act as I please. I have been given the skills and tools to cope with life as it is. There are several reality checks that can happen if I do not care for myself. These include adhering to my treatment regimen. Things can significantly improve when I take care of myself. I can better cope with the world around me when I do what I need to do.

I have seen the consequences of not caring for myself. The reality is that things I need to comfort me would not be accessible. The environment would be uncomfortable for me to withstand. This situation would make the time needed for me to recover unproductive. I have everything that I need to take care of myself. I must understand how important it is to care for myself. I should not go back to the old ways when everyone worried about how I would react. The smallest things would send me in a tailspin of danger. This would get me back to where I once was.

I understand how important it is to never go back to the old ways. When I was younger, everyone held themselves back in suspense. They wondered what the next thing was going to set me off. My reactions would hurt myself and others. I have worked too hard to achieve what I have. I can’t take steps back to a place where things would be bad again.