It has been a long journey to get to where I am today. It was hard to accept that I have to live the life I have. I must also go without things I want. When I started neglecting my self-care, I felt that my medication made me less of a person. I felt ashamed of who I was. It was not only because of the excessive weight that I have gained. It was also because of many other things that I never did. Through lots of trial and error, I discovered that there is no shame in taking medication. It is just as valuable a tool as the other things I need to care for my mental wellbeing.

It has taken me a long time to accept what was. It took even more time to not have shame in my heart for the way that I was. I had to start letting go of the feelings that I had felt. I needed to start doing things on my own to make a difference for a better future. Part of that was accepting the necessity of having psychotropic medication in my life. I also had to accept the side effects for what they were. That was by far the hardest.

It didn’t make me less than who I really was. Instead, I accepted the fact that it had made more of who I needed to be. I had to learn to combat the other issues that I was facing and things that I was without. I had to re-shift the way that I did things. I also needed to retool my interests to make them more manageable. This was hard at first, but eventually it got better and became best for everything as a whole. If I had been patient and understanding in the past, life today is easier for me.

There is a reason thing were in place a long time ago. It felt as if I kept undoing all the hard work my parents had done. They had put in so much effort to guarantee I was living my best life possible. Autism has been contentious this year. Still, I know my parents fought their hardest. They made sure I had what I needed to be safe. They ensured I live my best life possible. It can be hard to understand it when you are unwell. During my extended journey of self-discovery, I came to terms with where I wanted to be when I was well. But ultimately, I understood there was no shame in knowing that medication is a part of my life. Its side effects are also part of my life. They are very valuable tools in my well-being.

The journey of self-discovery was a long ride for me. Eventually, I decided to end this ride. This year, I started to do what was right all along in terms of caring for my well-being. I now understand that there is no shame in doing what I need to do to care for myself. Above all else, that is what matters most.