For some reason from time to time there can be a bully in my head. The bully can put down so many others for one reason or another from the past. Sometimes they can come about for no reason. Sometimes they are part of what I have understood to be delayed echolalia. These are scripts that arrive at random times when things become frustrating. My mind feels overwhelmed. Nevertheless, I have gotten better this year. These moments have seemed to decrease.

It can be hard to totally describe these scripts and what they are. But as situations have improved over the past few years, they have decreased over time. Being consistent with my medication regimen can be a reason. It plays a part in dealing with this internal “bully.” This bully appears from time to time. It makes me feel down on myself. I can’t do certain things because I am led to believe things that just aren’t true.

Another part of this can be the fact that I have done more to work on my mental health. I understand how taking care of my mental health can be beneficial. I realize why it is so important for my overall wellbeing. Part of that involved realizing I had to let go of certain feelings. I needed to change how I felt about specific things. As a result, the echolalia has decreased. In turn being as agitated or irritable as too waned off as a result of how well I am.

These feelings are what I do not understand but don’t want anyone to hear or feel. It would feel like I am bullying someone when I would have no intention of doing anything like that. I always know that it is just not true and eventually the scripts themselves decrease. But living through them can be so hard. It becomes difficult to live the life that I have to. They can sideline me so much to the point that they are overriding my brain.

Things are what they are and they can be hard sometimes. But through learning how to focus on caring for my mental health has made things better. Part of that is understanding the connection. I was not caring for myself. I wasn’t consistent with my medication regimen. As a result, the medication was not adhered to for a long time. This had the potential to cause the feelings I experienced in the past without my knowledge. This is why consistency is so important in my opinion. I am glad that I was consistent, and it eventually paid off in the long term.

Many factors explain why the “bully” in my head is hardly there at all now. This can be hard to explain. But part of me knows there is great evidence that things have gotten better overall. They have also worked at making the delayed echolalia less prevalent. For that, I am thankful.