I am an autistic person who always seems to be anxious. It can be hard to believe things are true once someone tells me. It is difficult to trust that they will always be true. One lesser known trait of being autistic is that we often second-guess information given to us. We often question whether what we are told is correct.

It is hard for us to believe something just because it is told to us one day. We find it challenging to trust that it will stay the same several weeks down the road. We don’t want to question the credibility of the answer. We simply want reassurance and comfort. We want to know that something is still the same as it was when we asked it. Sometimes it is the energy in a situation that makes it difficult for us. Additionally, not liking change causes us to second guess what is told to us.

I began to be less resistant this year. I had to second guess things that brought me anxiety. Anxiety runs its own course. It co-occurs with being autistic. I constantly needed reassurance. I wanted to be sure that things were going to happen as they were supposed to. Like many autistic people, I hated the fact that things had the potential to change. I have gained some clarity over the past few years. I began to understand that not everything can be certain. I had to instead think of what was the worst thing that would happen. Seeing that things were not as bad as they would be portrayed to be, it brought me greater ease.

But later in the year I had to learn to be more trusting. I needed to have faith in what I had been told by others. I had to believe that if something was different that I would be told. Mistakes do happen. Nevertheless, they are not a reason to go into a full-blown meltdown. Don’t react negatively just because something didn’t go to plan. I had to stop thinking about what would go wrong. Instead, I learned to trust the word or the process given to me.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point. I have learned not to become frustrated at myself or others when I have to second guess things. I changed because I felt the energy in others. Their frustration was clear when I repeatedly asked the questions. I had to trust that things were in place for a reason. I also had to realize what the worst-case scenario was. I needed to consider if my effort was justified. I was putting so much energy into something insignificant.

It can be said we learn through what we grow through. It has been that way for most of my life. There has been times that I was a better man and there were times it destroyed me. But I had learned through all those challenging moments in the past. I am beginning to trust more processes and understandings from others. I am taking a chance that things will happen just as they are.