I can think many thoughts. There are times that those thoughts are good and others that are not so good. Often, the good thoughts keep me going. I know that I have to ignore the not so good ones. I must never, ever give up.

Sometimes life as an independent autistic adult can be tough. There can be times when we don’t think life is fair. My family has often instilled in me that we deal with the hand that we are dealt. I can recall many times that doing something like living on my own seemed just like a pipe dream. I never dreamed of working until I was asked to. I did countless other things. It took being brave and seeing countless other people being brave too that got me where I am today.

It can be easy sometimes to not want to do anything. I know deep down that is more hurtful and doing other things are helpful. I know how important it is to be in the community. If it wasn’t a good thing, then why would programs and services push for more and more of it? For me there are good thoughts that I think about that make it a joy to keep on going.

I love and care for myself. This simulates what it is to be a good person. Doing the right thing keeps me going. I know how important it is to look clean and presentable in the outside world. It can attract people to like me. Otherwise, I look like a slob. I spent too much time of my life not caring for myself because I didn’t want to. It seemed unpleasant and a unwanted effort. I eventually realized how essential it was and that I felt better when I did it.

It made me look in it in others . This also brought me joy and allowed me to want to live the lives that others had. I deserved to have the same thoughts, wants and desires as they did. I had to feel like I deserved to love what I had and do the things that I can do. Living in a state of gloom and doom made no sense. It just made the rest of life miserable.

I also had to learn to live in the moment and not think 10 steps ahead. I am often a planner and overthinker. Like many autistic people, I like to know every detail I can about something. I also want to know when it is going to change. Being through so many changes in the past two years made me realize that nothing is guaranteed. Instead I had to decide to live in the moment. Sometimes it was that day, hour, activity or next 10 or 15 minutes. Whatever it took, I had to learn to find joy in it.

It can be hard to describe in a nutshell what keeps me going. But what is working is working for a reason. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I had to let go of all the hateful feelings I had. I started to live in the moment. Only then did things start to look better in my life.