Oftentimes, Autistic adults are discounted for their ability to make “adult” decisions. At 40, it can still be a battle to fight to make decisions that are based on my own intuition. I feel like I am going to be chastised for not always making the best decision. Even so, I know I need to make decisions. It can be hard too when parents have to let their autistic children live through the things. But we both have to grow through it together.

Still to this day I struggle with making decisions about doing the things I want to do. It can seem odd. I often feel like I need my mother’s permission to do something. This is especially true if it seems outside the norm. Even in the years when I wasn’t at my greatest mentally, I did things that she did not know about. But, even if I know that something is too much for me, I have to say no. It feels like no one understands. They are only thinking about the effects in the long run.

There were times I didn’t make the best decisions. But I have grown out of things as well. I do know that there is a reality that has to be understood in the decisions I make. They are my battles to fight. I know that some people believe certain things are not as good as others. Yet, experiencing discomfort is necessary to become accustomed to what seems familiar. There are just times that I wish that I was valued that I was making the right decision.

I have been blessed to have been in a mentally stable place for some time. There have been countless times that I wasn’t. I need to step out of my comfort zone at times. I should not let my anxiety do the talking. I have been better at recognizing when it does. Others do not have the right to assume it was my anxiety. They should not automatically believe it caused me to make the decision. It can be several factors that is unbeknownst to them. When I say I need to step away or do something else, we can talk about it. It is important to communicate instead of saying something hurtful to me. You do not have the right to counteract or get angry about my decision.

I need to take care of myself on all fronts. I should not do anything to harm myself. It was done because we know it was best that we did what we did. Yes, we have our moments when we feel certain ways about things. Still, as long as we do not dwell on them, it is not all that bad. It can be difficult for caregivers to allow autistic adults the freedom to grow. They often struggle with this. Sometimes it takes seeing the whole picture. This helps us understand why things are the way we are. It also shows why we need to do the things we do.