There have been many times in my life that I have been feeling negative about life. Often, my anxiety acts up. It tells me to either bounce off what is in my brain. Or it tells me to avoid something because it makes me uncomfortable. This year, I have been better at bouncing back from negative energy. I do this instead of ruminating or obsessing about things that bring my displeasure.

There has been much understanding that there is just some things that can’t be fixed or controlled by me. I had to learn that I can’t rule the world to meet my personal comfort. Additionally, I know there is no sense in worrying about something on an evening. It also doesn’t help on the weekend if it can’t be fixed then. I need to find something that keeps me occupied with activities that bring me joy. Writing or other things that spike interest help. This way, I do not let myself ruminate in all that negative energy that I know will go nowhere.

Negative energy about the past will occasionally show up in my brain. This happens as a form of echolalia. A trait in autistic people, this is where certain phrases are repeated from my brain over and over. Mostly they are very localized these days and kept to myself. There was a time when it took forever for me to bounce back. I kept repeating them over and over because they did not seem to escape my mind. Now I know there are things I can do to spark my interest. I can also uphold my apartment. By doing this, I can work my best at keeping the thoughts and phrases at bay.

It took letting go of the negative energy that I had perceived about others. Much of what I had been told about certain people was not my personal experience. I had to learn to accept things that were helpful in my life and disregard what was not. I also understood the value of taking medication. It would bring the best quality of life possible for me. I knew it was up to me to live the life I wanted to choose.

Yes, moments still come from time to time where I get anxious, down and out about myself. I also look at the many things that I am blessed and grateful to have in my life. I have put in a lot of effort to get where I am today. There were many times in the past several years when I was not doing the right things. Those choices hurt me greatly. Even though I saw it in little bits, it took time to understand. Doing what I should have been doing all along was the right thing to do. This was necessary if I wanted to have the best life for me. I had to let go of the false narratives and beliefs that I had for myself. I needed to start living life as I knew was best for me. Through all of it, I learned that it helped me keep those negative thoughts at bay. It prevented me from staying in a ruminative state as long as I did in the past.

Things are better now than what they have been in some time. I had to accept that there are going to be hard moments. We have to work at being the better person we can be. There is often no reason to ruminate or obsess over things we do not control. They can’t be fixed when we think of them. It has helped me bounce back from those negative moments and become a better person because of it.