One of the biggest struggles of being able to get back on track with the one mental health medication that I was battling with was being able to make it to my actual bedtime. It took having the time to be able to fight through the drowsiness and struggles that taking the bedtime medication initially took to get through its hardest days to make it better to make it to bedtime. When I did, things got so much better for me.

This has been the catalyst of the battle that I have been facing for the past seven of so years until I believe I had some divine intervention once and for all to get back on track. The first was the implementation of the need to observe a quiet time at my apartment complex, then I got a kidney infection and lastly, I became more observant when others knew that I was not taking my medication. Through all of those things and having the time to work on myself I was able to see that I needed to dedicate my energy to getting back on track.

While it took nearly a week to be solid with being able to return to some sort of normalcy from when I had started to become unwell seven years ago, it was knowing no matter how much I wanted to go to sleep, I couldn’t until I knew I wanted to for the evening and if so I had to take my bedtime medication. It was also the fact that I had to make it and going to sleep a habit for 21 days, as it takes 21 days to make a habit. I had to understand how important it was to consistently adhere to my medication regimen for it to stick and work the best that it can and not have the unwanted drowsiness time and time again.

Knowing that I was not winning a battle that I was trying again and again to fight made me see that it was better to put in the dedication to stay awake throughout the day and find things that started to keep me going or that I enjoyed in order to keep me engaged throughout the day so I do not have the desire to want to fall asleep out of boredom. I also had to understand how important it was to be consistent with my medication regimen so that I would not have to do the hard work from recovering, something that I also disliked.

There is often the belief that something will only happen in you only if you want it. I had to realize that I had to stop playing games with my medication regimen and start to do what was right. What I had believed was not true because it was a flawed thought that I had and I had not let the meds be in my system long enough to see how beneficial they could be than they were hurtful. After finally understanding that I had to stop fighting the battle that was not only pointless and destructive, but also had no winning edge on, but that there was value and things became easier for me in the end if I had wanted to do what was needed.