I have battled with my mental health for many years because I was not facing reality. It took me a long time to realize that my thinking was flawed. I had to learn that there was no shame in needing medication or sleeping time. I did not realize how much gratitude I owed my parents. They worked hard decades ago to get me on the right cocktail of psychotropic medication. This has allowed me to have the best quality of life possible.

Granted there was the side effects that came with the medication. It was hard to accept over two and a half decades. I have gained around 200 pounds since first taking the medication. Many times, I made destructive decisions for one reason or another. I often blamed the weight gain for these choices. But what I had not done was do the work to combat it. I was in no way eating healthy or moving in any way to be active. The blame was totally mine.

A few months ago, through experiencing pain I discovered that I had a kidney infection. The catalyst of it was due to drinking too much soda pop. It didn’t matter if it was diet. It was too much and the reality hit too close to home. On top of that, I knew I needed to take care of myself. I had to get the medication and sleep rhythm under control once and for all. I do not continue skirting a pointless and destructive battle that I was not going to win.

I had to let go of all the old behaviors. These were traits I experienced from not taking care of my mental health. I started to realize how grateful I was to have the tools to do the things I can do. I realized I needed to start doing the right thing once and for all. Otherwise, I would eventually be in a scenario that I did not want to be in. Even the slightest irritation would set me off into a meltdown. That was something I vowed not to do anymore. I had promised people that I was taking my medication. I no longer wanted to hide what I was really doing anymore.

I realized that doing what I knew was wrong was pointless. It was also destructive. Everyone knew it, and it was a battle that I would never win. I had not taken my medication. Still, I had to accept that there would be a point where I would have to resume it. This would help bring myself from the manic state I was in. I didn’t want to realize it, but this was the hardest part. I had missed out on so much while getting back on track.

After recovering from the kidney infection, I had time to think. I realized there was no better moment to start doing right. It was time to get back on track once and for all. I had to develop a routine and stick to it. This is what people did with my conditions. I was dealt the hand I was dealt, and I had to accept all of it, no strings attached.

I learned that it is important to take my medication as prescribed. It is also essential to get adequate rest. I need to do what is best for me by taking care of my body and mind. Part of that was loving myself for my flaws. I also put the past behaviors away once and for all. I was ready to move on past the old unhealthy behavior. So much of my desired life depended on taking my medication, getting sleep, and taking care of myself. By doing this, I can always strive to be my best. I aim to do this not just when I think I have to.