Part of moving forward is letting go of what no longer matters to me. I often say that we learn from our experiences and like to tend onto the things that were challenging and hard for me to battle. But I overcame my struggles and have learned to accept that I have to learn to move away from my past behaviors and habits. There can be a desire to want to get back into those old ways or just ‘sleep a bit’ then have the energy that I had, but I ultimately had to see that it was harming me more than helping me.

Over the past several years I had flawed thoughts about my mental health treatment even though I knew it was proven to work for decades. I struggled with facing the reality that it helped me more than what hurt me along with the behaviors that I experienced were the culprit of both not taking the medications and having the things that did not help me and my mental health. I had to learn to let go of what was and start my way to working on overcoming my negative and deceitful habits.

I could not see that there were any issues with things until I had begun not doing what I had needed to do. I was living partly out of fear of one instance being something that I still wasn’t well in and I had to learn that I had to stop playing games when those close to me called out when there was even the smallest difference when I was not caring for my mental health. I was tired of the battle just like I was tired of the battles that I was facing with everyone else.

But the inside battle was the hardest to fight an I could not see that I was continuing to lose even though I struggled to face what reality was. It came in those small subtle ways that others were seeing even though I was hiding it and thinking the way I was. I knew it was wrong, yet I enjoyed the ride I was on, eventually knowing that I would have to crash and that would be the difficult part.

Getting back on track has to be one of the hardest battles to fight within yourself. You often feel like crap and do not want to do anything. You miss out on so much of the outside world and others can see that. It can hurt that you were not there to do what was needed when others know that you can be well to do the things that they put their trust in for you to do. Eventually, the sign came for the in the way that it needed to come that I was not only hurting myself, but I was missing out on so much by not being well too.

I had to work at overcoming my struggle and learn that that was in the past is gone and this is now. I had to be more open when I needed to be and honest with those that loved and cared for me. Because I could not see that they cared for me then that I needed to take care of myself, so they did not have to ask the questions that I did not like to hear. It was up to me to make the right decisions once and for all.