One of the most perplexing barriers for me with autism is the wish to connect with others. You want it so badly, but sometimes it feels just out of reach. Anxiety can hold you back from taking the leap needed to get the ball rolling. A common stereotype of autistic people is that we are content with being alone. While that can vary from person to person, it relies on the individual’s willingness to engage socially.

Of course there are those that I can feel comfortable seeking, or they seek me. If you had said in the past that I had friends, many of my peers would have laughed. This happened in my personal life. Life’s circumstances taught me that I needed to break away from friendships. These friendships only exist within a professional, clinical, or work experience.

Many autistic people want to have someone they can talk to that is not their parents. It had not been easy for me for many years. Some thought I had a rude sense about conducting myself. I did not want to connect with my peers. I was working on being touch and go with social skills. Eventually I did. That became a building block to expanding my network. I eventually learned that I needed natural supports. These supports filled the void of things to do and talk about. They helped as I became the middle-aged man that I am today. Eventually I found those that became natural supports to me, and they became very valuable to me.

Granted there have been times when I was not my best self. Eventually I pulled my mental health together. I built a better bond when needed. They saw me as the person I was becoming, not as what they wanted me to be. Then there is the want by others to connect with you. There have been many times I shielded myself at the reality of that happening. I just never thought of it being in the cards for me. Now I am middle-aged. I am starting to learn and grow as a mature adult. I am connecting with those that “get” me.

It can still be hard to not be selfish. Choosing to open up with someone can be challenging. This includes opening up to loved ones who still value me. At times, it has been hard to see that the younger generation of my family actually cared. They saw me as interesting. I had often felt that I wasn’t desired by anyone, let alone family.

The last seven years have been a journey of self-discovery. They have also been a journey of self-awareness. This journey eventually made me a better person. I just had to be patient with myself and trust the process. Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone. Doing so helps you realize your value. It also shows how much people care and want to connect with you. Ultimately, it takes taking the chance to see if something is good for you or not. Boundaries and other safeguards can be developed as needed. They should be established and understood when the need for them is discovered. It can be hard sometimes. Still, in my experience, it was well worth the risk to be there for someone who wanted to connect.