It can be hard to believe that I am still at day services. Many times, I expressed that “I Don’t Want to be Here Anymore,” quoting a song by Rise Against. I realized that ‘I need to go.’ I learned to make the best of each day at day services. I stopped constantly finding out what is wrong. If I had not done that, it wouldn’t have gotten better for me.

Over time there has been allot of changes and they are still happening. That is why for the most part have continued to do things the year prior for another year. I haven’t really cared for my mental well-being. I acted as I should have when my mental faculties were under control. This was another factor for making the decision.

I had to be motivated to act. I needed to do the things required for success in life. This was essential if I ever wanted to leave there. The reality was that I almost left, but in reality, I was unwell. Others saw it and I had conversations that were difficult to have. The reality is that it gave me a wake-up call. I realized there were dangers if things continued unchanged. Then there was about a year that it took to fully understand the need to be totally med adherent. That became a reality for reasons beyond my control. Ultimately, it was by watching YouTube clips of a character from Shameless struggling with bipolar disorder. I was unaware of its significance, but those clips helped me understand how important meds were. They also taught me how critical sleep was to maintaining balance in the brain.

I had to understand that I had a chance to make things right again. This opportunity arose because several things happened at the same time. These events coincided with the renewal process for my annual goals becoming due. I had to do what was best for me ultimately. I had to be honest. I admitted that I needed to keep things the same for another year. This was necessary not only for me but also because of the pending changes happening for the program itself.

It made me see how important it is to follow your goals. I had a goal to move to another goal next year. Nonetheless, I need to be mentally well to move ahead. I had to be patient with myself. I had to see how things went. I needed to understand that getting back on track was the most important thing. I had to want to go to day services. I wanted help to manage getting back on track with my mental health.

Others knew that I needed help even when I didn’t. I know that I can get the help I need. I can also be a leading example for others to see what I once was. I won’t be the one that others have to walk on eggshells around all the time. I want to be there because I am taking care of my mental health. That is my goal there and I am working on that every time I go. That is what matters the most.