As is the case with many autistic people, sleep can be a struggle. I was no exception to this struggle. Before getting a host of diagnoses over 25 years ago, sleep was at times a struggle. At times we had our struggles. Eventually, after being diagnosed, I realized I needed medication. This helped me with getting and staying asleep. I realized later on that being autistic was part of this. Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder highlighted the need to balance the brain. This balance was essential for daily living.

I lived with my parents until I was 33 years old. They ensured that I took the medication prescribed to help me sleep. Still, when I had moved out on my own, there were times I missed the medication. This caused me to relapse. I lived out of fear of sleeping in too late and missing my transportation to day services or work. On top of that, I slightly believed I did not need medication. I thought they were only in place because my parents had stressed them upon me. Throughout several years and several calls of concern because of relapses I learned that medication was essential.

Yet, it never ever sunk in until some things happened this year. These events made me realize that things like the one medication were essentially what I needed to be well. I struggled with adhering to it consistently to help me sleep. I started by recognizing that my mother had limited time. She couldn’t give me attention if I stepped out of line. I needed to do what was necessary to stay well. The other was a newly mandated quiet time by my housing management. It made it worthy and essential to practice sleep. I learned that it was beneficial for everyone involved. I faced the dangers of psychiatric hospitalization holds and legal system involvement. Furthermore, there was a possibility of losing my home. I realized the dangers again of what the possibility of losing work be like. Not to mention, the amount of credibility I lose.

At other places that I lived in the past, there was quiet time. Still, I believed that I skirt around it. I knew my opportunity for future housing was limited. I realized I must honor the requirements of observing quiet time. It is essential to maintaining my home. Sleep is a very useful tool in maintaining my mental health. There is no shame in taking medication. It is helpful not only for maintaining home and sleep but also for other aspects. I realized this when I was not taking it last year. There were some pretty hard conversations that I had to experience that I did not want to experience anymore. That was a pivotal moment. I had to learn that sleep was essential for the quality of life I needed. Mental health treatment was also crucial.

Transitioning into a need to sleep can be hard. I had to learn to make the best of it. Every human need sleep and it is an essential part of living. I am no exception. By not taking the medication I needed, I was neglecting my well-being. My actions were pointless and destructive. Eventually, they became hurtful to those around me. Seeing things like quiet time opened my eyes. I realized how crucial it is to take care of myself. It’s important to work my way into sleep. There is no shame in needing to take the medication. I have been battling for so long to help me do that and keep me balanced in the long run.