Many days of the week, I have something going on. Still, there are days when I do not have things going on. Those can be the days where I am more prone to not taking care of my mental health. It can make things just as difficult to stay through the days than be productive. More recently, I have been doing my best. I aim to get through the days when the routine is less than expected.

Autistic people thrive off of routines. They are what keeps us going. We need them. Without them we can be off center and get into things including moods that are not our best. By not taking care of ourselves, we start to falter into a moodier self. This in turn can make the things that others intend to do to help us become unpleasant. It can be the salt and wound that makes something good turn bad. Often, we don’t see it until it is too late.

But it ultimately depends on how the days are spent in the interim until the day to do something arrives. When there is a day that has a mostly empty slate, it can be hard to stay on track. For me, it’s things like falling asleep for several hours. Then, I wake up and become frustrated with the amount of time that has passed. It can seem as if the worst thing in the world has happened. Getting back on track can be difficult. Then getting into a nighttime routine can be incredibly difficult. Sleep becomes quite challenging. The next day becomes irritating.

I know the importance of staying awake all day and sleeping at night. It is sometimes hard to do. But some days, the one goal I set for myself is to stay awake. I do this to get through the day. I also aim to stay entertained. It seems immature in nature, but it is what I know I need to do to stay well. It matters because I need to delineate the difference between day and night. I must know when sleep is to be had versus when it is not.

Getting through the day seems silly in nature. Yet, it is the goal for many autistic people and their families. I am no different. I know that I must not fall back into my old sleep habits. Waking up hours later only sets me up for frustration. It prevents me from taking care of my mental health properly.

I know that my mental health matters to me and those around me. So, I push through the hard times even when it seems like there is no reason to. I do this because I know I need to. There are people who care about me and need me to be my best.