Continuing on the realm of living independently, it can be difficult to understand. There are people who care about you. In the past several years, I have made destructive decisions affecting my mental health. These choices affected me in many ways. It was very difficult for others to see. It even reduced people to tears. They tried to help me, but I shielded myself because I had done the damage. It was hard to admit. Eventually, I learned that I had to take care of myself. Others wanted that of me too because of their concerns at the time.

When I made those destructive decisions, I was not myself at all and I knew it. I was slowly suffering, and I did not want to be honest about it. I thought I had my life under control. But I was hurting those who loved and cared the most for me. It is hard for them to see that I was slowly destructing myself. Eventually, by having some of the hardest conversations I had to have, I learned something important. Caring for myself was necessary for the stability of others. It did not cause them to worry about me more than they needed to.

Reemerging those hard conversations made me realize something important. I saw the scariness in others and understood that I had to stop making dangerous decisions. It was time to start doing what I needed to do. It took reading to see how the dangers portrayed in others on TV affected me. This realization tugged at my heart. Even though it was acting, it was just as dangerous to the characters who cared for them too. I realized it was important to do what I needed to do. Many of those that helped me at my worst no longer do so. They had to care for others beside me. The last thing they needed was for me to neglect caring for my mental health.

I also learned that there was never any shame for caring for my mental health. Medication damaged my physical health. It was up to me to make better choices about what I eat. I had to make sure I moved physically. I work on combating my weight. This is something I have struggled with for several decades. Seeing others succeed on social media and needing more support than I did motivated me. I realized that I had the tools I learned over the years. This understanding assured me that I take care of my physical health. It also allowed me to make better choices and achieve success.

But ultimately, it was knowing that when I was unwell, it drew unwanted attention. This was difficult to hear and conceptualize. All along, I knew that I was doing something wrong. I was on the cusp of damaging and unwanted things happening. I knew that I had to start the process. I finally realized that if those destructive decisions were to happen again, the ability to be redeemed was less. There were people that do care, but my ignorance would not be as welcomed as I continued to destroy myself.

I know that people care about me. I now realize that it’s best to seek positive attention instead of negative attention and concern. At times, it can feel like others don’t care for me. Deep down, I know they do care in their own way. Still, I must be responsible for caring for myself to protect and be my best self.