It is often said that autistic people do not have empathy. That is absolutely not true. As an autistic person, I feel. I feel in a different way than what society expects. And while that can be all good at times. There becomes a point when you need to do what you need to do to protect your mental health from being emotionally and energetically involved in a situation,

We have a part of us that wants to get involved in someone else’s concerns. In fact, we feel them deeply at times. But there is also a part of us that can become too involved. We feel torn to pieces. We recognize the need to reserve our energy or spoons for ourselves. By doing this, we can thrive in the same environment that they do.

It can be hard to have to distance yourself. For me, after learning several times, it can cause me to become too emotionally attached to someone. This attachment can conflict with my own needs. It reaches a point where I do not care for myself and my own challenges. I have realized that while I can offer simple advice to someone, I can’t dig deep into things. Doing so can cause my own emotions to stir up, and I am just as energetic.

Distancing myself, while at times seeming like I am giving someone a cold shoulder can seem unkind. Part of me wants to be kind. Still, I realize I must secure my emotions. I need to avoid conflict and unwanted anxiety from overwhelming things.

There should also be an understanding. When we as autistic people say that something is too much, we should be believed. If it is something that is known to cause anxiety, it should be recognized. If it adds energy, our feelings as autistic people should be validated. It can feel like we are constantly up against a brick wall. We feel that we are not being heard. It can be exhausting to express that we can’t do something, even when we know it is too much.

Yes, there is a sense for us to get out of our comfort zones and connect with others. But, when the energy causes conflict, it adds emotions for the person suggested to be there for someone. The pros and cons need to be weighed. We must consider whether to put a boundary around how much we share with someone. In the end, we only have so much to give.

I just personally wish that I was validated more often for the times when things too much for me. I am starting to learn and grow more. I understand that things can be too much for me. I choose not to be rude to those who drain my energy. I know it is always best to be kind. There is never any shame in doing what is necessary to protect my mental health. If that means setting a boundary, then I need to do it. It shouldn’t be challenged. Some think that I be shy or socially awkward. It is how I feel because I need to protect my well-being.