I have often become defensive in my life. This happens when I hear things I don’t want to hear. I have already known that I did something wrong. It is either being reiterated to me or I am hypersensitive to what is being told to me. It can be hard to hear things you do not want to hear. You also find it difficult to be told you were wrong. Still, I understand that things are delegated to me for a reason. They are given to me as a responsibility. Being autistic is not an excuse for avoiding it.

I have often gotten defensive. This happened when I encountered things I did not want to hear or do. But part of maturing into adulthood and being capable of being independent is that we are human and have responsibilities. Throughout most of my life, my parents tried to instill responsibility in me. They did this by suggesting things I do. Our living dynamic for many years and the different styles we lived made this difficult. When I was given instructions to do something unpleasant, it became a struggle.

While things have been better, I understand that living independently is a realm of responsibility. I know that a sense of responsibility is required with living independently. It was difficult to grasp that reality. After learning that my parents’ support has lessened over the past few months, the responsibility has increased for me. Being home longer at times has given me the opportunity to do the things I once got defensive about. This was due to the way knowledge was delivered to do these tasks.

There can be the same struggles when it comes to going into the outside world. It can be hard to hear the things that you don’t want to hear or when someone else gets defensive. You will want to match the energy in the room. But, it is important to manage your emotions in your own private and appropriate way instead. Yes, venting can be appropriate. Still, avoid doing it in a way that is combative towards the other parties.

There are times when things are your responsibility. You must understand that challenges do not mean you can’t fulfill your responsibilities. Especially when it comes to the other person knowing that you can do it. Being autistic can’t be an excuse to get out of the things that you don’t want to do. For far too long when I became defensive, things were just pushed to the side. Nevertheless, that greatly affected my understanding. There is a certain degree of responsibility when standard practices and norms need to be adhered to. I know I can do it. I can’t use my being autistic as a way to avoid it. It should not be expected that courtesy should be granted solely because of my challenges.

Of course, if things need to be explained clearly, they should be easier for you to understand. Completing them in manageable ways is important, so advocating for such clarity is welcome. I can personally do this. Nonetheless, using unwillingness or the ‘we never had to do this before’ mentality is not an excuse to avoid something.

For many years I have gotten defensive when I have had to do things that were unpleasant or unwanted. But the reality is that no one wants to do those things. They are just a part of life. Being autistic does not give me the freedom to act immaturely to get out of them. It can be hard to hear what I am told about things I did or don’t want to hear. I have to grow up, and my parents would make me do the same thing in their presence. So, it should be expected that I follow suit in my life too.

I am starting to understand how to avoid being defensive. This is about things I find undesirable or things that can be unwanted for me. But that is a part of adulting. There is an expectation that I can do things. It is not worth arguing or avoiding things with someone because it is expected of me. It is not worth the energy either. In reality, it is known when I am in the right and when I am not. So, in any instance, it is important to understand whether something is worth defending or not.