Often, when there are no distractions, my mind starts thinking about things. These thoughts are no longer valid. At times this can come out when I am alone as echolalia or scripting. They are often phrases that are no longer true. I know that to many effects. But, sometimes it takes a long time to stop allowing these thoughts to play in my head. It also takes time to get into the groove that I need to get in.

I know that my echolalia, or scripting, is because I am autistic. I also know that it is detrimental to me. The thoughts I am saying are no longer valid or true. They hurt me mentally. This can cause an extra strain to get into the groove. I struggle to do what I need to do to get going with the things I need to do. At times, I sit and stare. This is another autistic trait. It can be hard to escape from and get into the groove of doing what is healthy for me.

Over the past few years, there have been many changes and challenges. Yet, I continue to build confidence and stamina to keep going. Even when it is hardest, I overcome the thoughts that bring me down the most. These thoughts include the scripting and other forms. They make me want to avoid the things I know I need to do and excel in.

Being autistic comes with its challenges. I have regressed over the past few years. It is taking time to get where I need to be. I aim to reach a place where I really wasn’t before. It can be hard to realize that too and it also sets me back. By taking small steps towards progress, I can move ahead. This approach can significantly improve how I feel about myself.

Maybe it is taking a morning selfie from the backyard. Or it is walking down the street to the Dunkin or dollar store. I am not trying to be exactly where I was when I was unwell and filled with energy. Instead, I take the small steps I need to get out of the rut that produces negative effects for me. I am finding the groove that works for me.

It takes knowing that what I am experiencing in my mind is not at all true. I need to take the steps to rid myself of those thoughts. With time and being more in a groove instead of in a rut, they will slowly disappear. Yes, there has been a lot of changes over the past few years. It has taken some time to grieve and eventually I do know that it will get better.