For many years I have experienced a unique echolalia. This is for those that are unfamiliar with this. It is when autistic people script phrases from things they hear from time to time. For me these thoughts can be intense in nature and stick in my head for many years. But I am beginning to realize something. Although they are thoughts, there needs to be an understanding of reality. Even though I think these thoughts will produce action, in reality, they will not.

My mind has taken pieces of words. I think these words will get a rise out of others. They cause things to happen. I believe they will reduce the energy I feel about something or someone at that very moment. For the longest time, I never really understood the reality of the situation. I was led to believe things that were not true. Eventually I realized that many things that I was told were untrue. Even though I have feelings of anxiety or free time, I feel angry at something happening. I utter these words, thinking I have the power to change things for my advantage. Still, in reality, I do not have that power. My true thoughts are not about changing things at that moment.

Anxiety can skew our ability to think about things. It can cause us to think about things that are not true. They can often be believed so much that we can’t think of anything else. Sometimes what we are thinking really isn’t ours to think about or is worth the energy to think about. I have wasted so much time in my life thinking about things that I had no control over. I had always thought I needed control over everything. I believed that was the only way to guarantee things went smoothly and without any issues. Over the years, I have experienced some of the biggest changes. These changes have strengthened my flexibility. They have changed my perspective on things. I realized that many things I believed were simply false.

Still, there are times that the scripting happens. It oftentimes happens out of boredom. The mind is left to think about unnecessary changes. For the longest time, I did not see that. I have had to understand that we are all human in nature, and we all make mistakes, including myself. Regardless, we have to learn to make things right. We must settle the issues we have. This will allow us to close the chapter that we made in them. We can then move ahead with a more positive mindset.

We are not our thoughts. We need to understand the reality of the situation. We also need to know how we are really feeling about something we are thinking about. It also requires using the skills we learn as individuals facing challenges. These skills help us cope in the best way for the given moment. If we ignore our thoughts and let them boil, we are responsible for our feelings. This applies if we have the skills to combat these thoughts.

As hard as it is for me to put the past behind me, sometimes it becomes easier to do so. This allows thoughts I have built up over the years to start to disappear. Then, new positive, happier thoughts and things can emerge. In the end, I can be happier with my life. I can stop always thinking about things I think are really wrong. I realize that they are not really wrong. It is important to move on from bad experiences. At the same time, learn the reasons for how we got to where we are.