It has taken me many years and often by trial and error to understand what is appropriate versus what is not based on the situation that I am in. Growing up and even after my autism spectrum diagnosis I did not have things like therapies or social stories to understand the ways of the world. There were times when it was often touch and go with what I did and in most cases, it caused severe anxiety to wonder what and how to say and do, respectively. Today, it is much clearer however there are still instances where I have to think about what and how to say what I want to say.

From those first flash cards to putting things into sentences to ripping holes in paper learning handwriting to not being the most popular on the recess field in a world where I had an abundance of support compared to my peers, it was still a challenge to navigate the world. There were those that have took interest in working tirelessly to ensure that I was the best that I could be and there was those that were there for their paycheck. But ultimately by trial and error at times even without paid or clinical support I have my way into understanding the norms of the world.

Although at times when there were doubts about me making it in a world where there was so much negativity behind me and those not willing to go to bat for me, there were people like my parents, grandparents, family members, teachers, therapists, program staff, colleagues, and so many more that stood up to the plate to ensure that I had the tools and skills necessary to thrive in a world that was mean to people like me by always assuming the competence that I had in me, even at times when I didn’t believe it in myself.

Then there was the times when I just took it upon myself to do what was necessary to accomplish what I wanted to do or needed to have done. It has at times included the constant worry that comes with everything, but it was just breaking through the anxiety and maybe thinking of the many cheerleaders that were cheering my way through the challenges. There were also the many memories that I have paved the path, led the way, or set the standard that was needed for those who followed me or took my place at placements that I left ensuring that they were equipped with the ability to take things on just as I did.

Throughout the ebbs and flows of my life it has been that trial and error that has allowed me to know that it will be just fine as I continue to grow and prosper in a world where it is ever changing and ultimately advancing by me continuing to understand the social norms of a new era while continuing to find my place in this world, one day, sometimes one hour. It is continuing to be patient with myself and understanding that things like taking care of myself is always a priority where there is always uncertainty and new things just around the corner. Ultimately it is by giving myself grace, being kind to myself and trusting my inner gut that makes everything fall in line wherever it may fall and set the course for moving forward.