Throughout my life as an autistic person, I have always been expected to fall in line with what I was told or what was asked of me without conflict. This was often mainly because I had at most times until I had lived independently little freedom or autonomy. I was often trapped in a bubble or made to do things that while helpful, at the same time causing a great deal of mental strain in the process. I am now starting to learn how to be OK with saying or knowing that I cannot do something for someone and that it is perfectly acceptable.

There are still times when I want to be a people pleaser, especially around the people I love and care about the most, but there are also times when reality must set in, and the potential is not there to complete what that person wants me to do. There may be an understanding that what is being asked of me is something that I may feel uncomfortable about or may believe may be unhealthy for my mental well-being. Ultimately knowing that I am unable to do something for someone that I love can sting as hard as a bee would, and although there is the desire to do something about it,

I must also understand the reality of the situation that I too cannot overextend myself and that I can say no to something because in my heart of hearts I know that I must protect myself and even though I have been reassured that I can let down my overprotective anxiety to take care of myself and let go of what I am feeling about the situation at hand and wanting to fix it so others can be pleased. Some battles are for others to solve, and I must start not allowing myself to become consumed in things that I cannot repair or start to fix especially if I do not have the ability to help in the situation.

There is a great fear when we cannot do something to help someone, even if they say that it is OK that it will indeed be OK and we can move on with our lives. The common misconception that autistic people aren’t empathetic shows itself as a misconception in the instances when we do actually feel that we want to make better or solve things for those that we truly care about but in reality we cannot because we are either unable to or we must protect ourselves from further pain. It can hurt, we feel numb and anxious that we are continuing to hurt those we care about the most because we don’t believe or feel what they are feeling while not recognizing that we are only doing what we can to protect everyone overall in the process.

What is best is that we have to remind ourselves to give ourselves grace, be kind to ourselves and remind ourselves that it is perfectly acceptable to build boundaries or know when it is OK to protect ourselves when necessary or just know that we can’t solve everything or be the people pleaser all the time. There will be time to make things better. They will happen in their own time; we just need to be patient with ourselves in the process.